


When the Stars Collide

by Justastarwarsfan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-03-19 09:31:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 25,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13701720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justastarwarsfan/pseuds/Justastarwarsfan
Summary: You are a resistance pilot captured by the first order, interrogated by the menacing Kylo Ren. But something feels familiar about the commander...possibly someone from your past?Trapped aboard the finalizer, reader will train under Kylo's command, their connection growing stronger.How will reader escape the first orders grasp? Or will reader be persuaded otherwise...?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or any of the characters.  
> This is George Lucas'/ Disney's world, I just play in it. 
> 
> My first attempt at writing on Archive, and to writing fanfic's in general, but I am super excited for this!! Star Wars is my love. Constructive criticism is welcomed :) Hope you all enjoy!!

* * *

 

**Epilogue:**

Young Ben Solo scoured the grounds looking for your tent. Anger, fear, desperation all bubbling up inside of him. Fire and smoke clouding his senses.

Finally he laid eyes on your tent, the burning jedi temple in the background, 4 or 5 of the spared padwans following closely behind him.

Reaching your tent, Ben held up a hand to stop the followers in their place. He had to do this alone.

He entered your tent finding you still sound asleep. _How could she have slept through all this commotion?_ You looked so peaceful, so serene.

Ben raised his hand, ready to shake you awake, ready to ask you to join him and the few other students who showed great promise. Ready to drag you to the dark side.

He stopped mid-movement, hand frozen in the air.

He could feel the light radiating off of you, permeating his own being. _She is so pure, so good._ He had felt these emotions before, he cared for you more than himself. You were always there for him. He felt things for you he couldn’t even explain.

He tried to push those feelings away, as he did many times in the past.

Ben lowered his arm back to his side. _No. I can’t do this._

Before he could stop himself, he lowered his face to your own, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. He couldn’t do this to you, you didn’t deserve it. You were better off forgetting about him and moving on with your life.

He took one last lingering look at you, soaking you in. He would miss you, but this had to be goodbye.

Ben turned to leave the tent, sadness rising in his chest.

As he exited, the padwans all stood with eager expressions hoping to hear news of your demise.

“She will not be joining us, she is weak and would have hindered our cause.” There was a pause amongst the group as the future Knights of Ren waited to hear more.

“I killed her.”

_A lie._

“Lets go.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

8 years later…

 You wake with a start, sweating and breathing heavily. It was that dream again, or more like that nightmare again.

_You woke up to an eerie silence all those years ago. Leaving your tent, you were shocked to find the Jedi temple burning, bodies of your peers scattered, smell of smoke and death on the air. You were alone. You called out but no one answered. You were alone. What had happened? Where was Master Skywalker, your friends… where was Ben? You were all alone._

Trying to forget the images that plagued your mind on countless nights you rose from the uncomfortable mat you were sleeping on. You were on Jakku assisting your fellow pilot Poe Dameron on a mission requested by General Organa. A map you were looking for, but a map to what, you had no idea.

You joined the resistance a few years ago, wanting to find purpose in your life, to join the forces that set out to repress the First Order. After the incident at the Jedi Temple you were devastated and had no one. When a few years of hopeless searching and longing provided no answers, you decided to suppress your force abilities. You vowed to never speak of the Force or the Jedi again.  

 

That night you stood outside the hut of Lor San Tekka, while him and Poe discussed inside. He apparently had this sought after map, and it had to be kept secret, kept safe.

Out of the corner of your eye you see BB-8 speed rolling towards you and the hut.

“What is it BB-8? What’s wrong”

A slur of beeps confirmed your fear. You had company.

You rushed into the hut. “Poe we gotta go, incoming First Order fighters”.

Poe quickly called BB-8 over, whispering instructions to him. Then the droid sped off at top speed into the distance and out of sight.

You bade goodbye to Lor San Tekka, a heavy feeling in your chest knowing the possible fate he and countless others might face in just a matter of minutes.

 As you and Poe sprinted towards your ship you could see 4 or 5 First Order ships landing in the distance. Your stomach lurched. _This won’t end well._

You almost reached the ship when a sudden blast hit the ship, fragments exploding, sending you and Poe flying backwards into the sand.

 

You opened your eyes slowly, your head pounding, reaching for your friend.  “Poe?” no response. Looking around you couldn’t see him. “POE??” he must have been thrown in a different direction.

 As you slowly got up you saw the scene unfolding before your eyes; Poe being walked to the center of the village with two Stormtroopers flanking his sides, he had been caught _._ At the same moment, a different ship- unlike the others- landed.

As the ramp descended out walked a tall, menacing man dressed in all black, a cloak flapping behind him in the wind. A black helmet hiding his face. A shiver went up your spine. _This man is dangerous._

The man approached Poe but you couldn’t hear anything. As you inched closer you finally heard him, his voice obviously distorted by the mask. You could almost feel the anger rippling off of him. Poe had been shoved to his knees, at this man’s mercy. Poe obviously wasn’t giving him the information he needed.

Suddenly the man grabbed at something from his belt… and illuminated it.

You let out a small gasp. _A lightsabre._ Although it was unlike any lightsabre you had seen before; bright red, crackling almost as if it would explode any second, 2 smaller vents at the base creating a cross-guard. You could hear its hum, almost as if it could sense that it would soon kill. _Who is this man._ You thought all the jedi/ sith were no more?

 

Panic rose inside you, as you pulled out your blaster. Better to end this now before Poe gets hurt.

You raised your blaster and fired. 

_Silence_  

Nothing happened.

Your blast intended for the masked man was instead hovering mid-air as if frozen in place.

The man slowly turned and laid eyes on you. Your stomach dropped. You could feel his piercing gaze even through his mask. Before you even had the chance to run you were roughly grabbed  by two Stormtroopers, now dragging you to the same place as Poe. You were thrown to the ground at the man’s feet.

You gulped. He didn’t say a word but you could still feel his glare on you. You felt Poe beside you. _How could we let this happen! Poe doesn’t deserve this. Please let me die instead of him._ You waited for the swift execution of his lightsabre.

But death didn’t come.

 

Finally looking away from you, the leader turned to walk back to his ship, hands balled into fists at his sides.

“Bring them on board”. You flinched at the harsh modulated voice emanating from his mask.

 The last thing you saw before being shoved on one of the ships was your frozen blaster beam being released, crashing into a power pole. Sparks flying everywhere.


	3. Chapter 3

Ben Solo was seduced by the dark side at a young age, coaxed into it by Snoke- a dark force user and leader of the First Order. Shortly after fulfilling Snokes request to destroy Luke Skywalker and the last jedis along with their temple, Ben Solo was no more. And Kylo Ren was created.

Kylo Ren trained for many years under Snokes guidance, falling deeper and deeper to the dark side. For many years the galaxy was silent and compliant under the first order regime…until recently.

The resistance grew stronger, and it is now that they pose a very real threat to the First Order.

Besides that, news arose that Luke Skywalker actually didn’t perish in the Jedi massacre. He is very much alive, and in hiding.

This infuriated both Snoke and Kylo Ren to no end, making it the sole mission of the First Oder to find the map, so Luke Skywalker could be killed once and for all.

The chase has led to many dead ends.

The most recent news- that a man by the name of Lor San Tekka stationed on Jakku carries a portion of the map.

Although this trip to Jakku did not go as planned, Kylo now has 2 captive resistance fighters who could lead him one step closer to acquiring what he needs…

 

* * *

 

You were in a dark room all alone strapped to a metal board, metal cuffs digging into your wrists and ankles. You could feel the warm stickiness of blood.

Your heart beat loudly in your chest, you knew you were going to be interrogated soon.

 With a hiss, the door to the room slid open. It was him. The masked man.

You trembled slightly, actually glad that the cuffs were there to hold you upright. His breath coming out in rasps due to his mask. You fought to stay calm and keep your vision forward.

He circled you slowly, and you could feel his eyes raking you up and down. But he stayed silent.

After what seemed like a lifetime he finally spoke

“It’s strange. I can see a thousand thoughts racing through your mind behind your eyes, but I can’t hear them”.  

You remained silent, not knowing what to respond.

“A force user I presume?”

 

You swallowed hard, willing your voice to not shake.

“What do you want from us?”

He disregarded your question, inching closer to you. His leather-gloved hand reached up landing lightly on your cheek. You shuddered under his cool touch.

Suddenly you felt a light pressure in your skull. You knew what he was doing- trying to get into your mind. The pressure was building in your head as his concentration grew.

The pressure stopped. He retracted is hand from your cheek, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake.

“And I can’t seem to enter your mind easily.  You are a force user”

Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes, frustration building in you

“Please!  I don’t have any information for you, neither does Poe, we are simple pilots. I’m not a force user, I have barley even heard of the force”

_A lie._

“Yes, ‘simple pilots’ that are some of the resistances best I hear” he paused “no matter, I already ripped through your friends mind. I have what I’m looking for”.

 

You looked up at him in confusion

 

“Then what do you want from me?”

He began to circle you again, and with a casual wave of his arm the cuffs around your wrists and ankles unlocked. He looked down at your red and bleeding wrists, lingering on them. His emotions seemed to change from anger, to something almost like regret? You couldn’t quite tell.

“Something about you feels so familiar…” he murmured quietly, seemingly to himself.

“When I saw you on Jakku I could feel a force signature. It was faint, but it was there. And just now when I couldn’t read your thoughts I know you must be a force user, no matter how much you deny it”.

Something about him seemed familiar as well… underneath the harsh mask modulator you could hear a hint of a voice you once knew. _No. It can’t be._

Clearly not finished with this interrogation, he came over to you again, resting his hand on your temple this time, leaning in. You felt that pressure in your skull again.

“Let me in” he coaxed. Almost gentle.

“It will be less painful if you let me in”

 

You realized that either way he was going to get what he wanted. Not wanting to endure any more pain you let down your mental walls. He pushed on.

A burst of images flashed through your mind, he was looking through your whole life; your time with the resistance, your friends, your pilot missions.

Then he slowed… coming to the time of your childhood and teenage years. You knew this is what he was looking for. You tried to guard those images but he broke through either way.

He saw you, a young Jedi padwan training with a group of other young students under the watch of Luke Skywalker. He saw you-now a teen-sparring with a lanky boy with dark hair and deep brown eyes.

He looked to the morning of the massacre, felt your sadness and fear. Saw you looking for Luke, for anyone. Looking for Ben Solo. He felt your loneliness that you endured for years after, until you found the resistance.

He had seen enough.

Tears escaped your eyes, all those past emotions crashing into you.  

He removed his hand from your temple and moved to the side of the room. He put his hands at the base of his mask. You heard it click and with a hiss of air he pulled the mask up and off.

You gasped. _It is him._

_Ben Solo._


	4. chapter 4

You stared up in disbelief. Ben Solo, your old friend, standing here before you.

His face had matured and his hair grown, long dark waves framing his face. A long scar running over his right eye and down his cheek and neck, continuing on below his robes. You could feel your face flush- he was handsome. Attractive.

“Ben?”

“I no longer go by that name” His un-masked voice deep and honeyed. “Ben Solo is dead. I killed him.”

“But why? What happened to you?” How could Ben become this? “Who are you now then?”

“The light side of the force was limited and feeble. The dark side on the other hand, is powerful, no limitations. I realized where my true place lied. Ben Solo was weak and foolish. He had to be destroyed, and Kylo Ren was born”. You knew by the look in his seemingly familiar eyes that this man was different. Sadness crept up inside of you. Ben really is gone.

Realization hit you. “It was you! You destroyed the temple, killed Master Luke… killed our friends” your voice rising and straining under the sudden anguish you felt. “Yes”. You shook your head in disbelief. You had imagined a better life for your old friend, imagined the type of GOOD person he might have become. Kylo Ren started to pace around you again, looking nervous about his next choice of words.

“I looked for you. For a few years I looked for you, but I could never find you”. You were momentarily stunned by this statement. You leaned your head back on the metal board. Please let this be a dream. Please. He was staring at you again, your face going red hot.

“Let me train you”. Your brow furrowed “What??” This was not the way you thought this would go.

“Let me train you. The force was strong with you when you were younger, and it’s still strong now. I can feel it”.

A million thoughts raced through your mind, you began to panic again. Slowly you shook your head “No. No, I don’t want anything to do with the force, the Jedi or you! I supressed the force in me for a reason”.

He continued to stare at you and you could feel his anger begin to surge. “I would never ever want to learn from you. You’re a monster”.

He abruptly flung his arm out in your direction, his hand forming a ‘c’ shape parallel to the ground. Then you felt it. Your windpipes being crushed under the weight of his force, you grasping and at your neck looking for release. Your eyes pleaded with him as you choked and spluttered while he walked towards you, replacing the force grip with an actual grip. You tried to speak and grab onto his hand, but his hold only tightened.

Big black dots began to fill your vision, a ringing in your ears growing louder by the second. As you were on the brink of slipping into unconsciousness, he immediately pulled his hands off of your delicate neck.

He went too far and he knew it, he had lost control once again.

You were gasping for air letting it fill your deprived lungs, your head still spinning.

Cursing to himself, Kylo Ren tentatively ran his fingers gently across your exposed neck, seeing the purple finger marks start to form. You were too weak to fight back so you let him, closing your eyes trying to regain your composure and thoughts.

Regret and shame filled him instantly. What have I done? You were once friends…and now he had almost killed you with his bare hands. Kylo couldn’t stand to look at what he did to you anymore so he grabbed his helmet, lowering it onto his head. _I have to convince her to stay.. she can’t leave_

“You either join me, or your fate is decided. I will leave you to think, I expect a decision when I return” he was glad the mask modulator hid the shakiness in his voice.

And he swept from the room, leaving you to contemplate his words… and formulate an escape.


	5. Chapter 5

In the room beside you a Storm Trooper- FN 2187 entered Poe’s interrogation room. He was battered and bloody. Another trooper stood on guard beside Poe.

“Ren wants the prisoner. Il escort him”. The watching storm trooper nodded and left. _That was easy, one less obstacle_ FN 2187 thought.

Poe looked up and paled. _What more could Kylo Ren want._

FN2187 unlocked the cuffs around Poe’s ankles and wrists and shoved him out of the room. Turning down the hall FN 2187 abruptly pushed Poe into a corner.

 

“Listen carefully, if you do exactly as I say, I can get you out of here”

 Poe was beyond confused “what?”

 FN 2187 lifted off his mask.

 “This is a rescue, I’m helping you escape! Can you fly a TIE fighter?”

 Poe felt a laugh rise in his chest. _Can I fly a tie fighter? This guy obviously hasn’t heard of me before_

“I can fly anything”.

 A look of relief washed over FN’s face. Poe smiled too _but there had to be a catch_

“Wait, why are you helping me?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do”

  _Not buying it._ Poe gave the trooper a questioning look. “You need a pilot, don’t you?”

 FN sighed “Yeah. I need a pilot”.

 Poe knew he already liked this guy. Maybe there were some good left in the galaxy. “Wait, my friend is here too, I’m not leaving without her”.

 

* * *

 

 You heard the door to the interrogation room being opened. You began to panic again, you didn’t have an answer yet for Kylo Ren. You stared at the door. Poe’s face came into view, relief washing over you. Standing beside him was a Stormtrooper, obviously deciding to help you guys and possibly escape himself.

His eyes flickered to your bruising neck, his eyes widening. You shook your head, silently telling him not to worry.

“Come on hurry, were gettin out of here!” You didn’t need to be told twice. Poe grabbed your hand and the three of you sprinted off towards the hanger.

Just as you were about the reach the docking bay all sirens went off.

They knew.

You felt a ripple in the force, unsurmountable anger.

Kylo Ren knew.

The three of you finally reached the hanger, storm troopers firing everywhere. You ducked a blast and tripped. FN and Poe didn’t notice your fall and were ahead of you, now reaching the TIE fighter to your left. 

As you got up you saw Kylo Ren turning the corner to your right. His fist balled at his sides again. You could feel his glare.

_Time seemed to slow as you looked to your left – seeing Poe, the resistance, the light. And looking to your right- seeing Ben turned Kylo Ren, the first order, the dark side._

_Stuck at a cross roads._

_But you knew your choice. Your old friend was gone, a monster in his place. There was nothing for you here._

 You turned away from Kylo, and ran towards Poe and the storm trooper, just jumping in the air craft before the ramp closed.

You were shooting off into space, away from the _Finalizer_ and the first order. As the giant ship behind you began to shrink in the distance, you swore you could still feel Kylo Rens glare on you.


	6. Chapter 6

You and Poe decided to call FN 2187 Finn, it was much better than a slur of numbers.

“No were not going back to Jakku!!” Finn yelled.

Poe didn’t care for the objection, especially since he was the one flying. “We have to Finn, I got a droid to save”. You knew how much Poe loved BB-8, and frankly you did too. But going back to Jakku was the last thing you wanted to do, especially with the First Order chasing closely behind.

The stolen TIE fighter entered the planet’s atmosphere and shortly after Poe landed the ship near a small working village, the three of you getting off and looking around. _So hot._ You felt bad for all the workers that had to endure this heat all day, everyday.

“C’mon BB where are you?” Poe looked around. He told BB-8 to wait for him here!

You turned as you heard a commotion to the left. People were yelling and cursing as many of the working tables were suddenly knocked out of the way, objects flying as a round orange and white droid sped towards Poe.

Rolling to a stop, Poe bent down to hug the droid. “Buddy! I missed you”. A string of excited beeps told you BB-8 missed him too. Sometimes you thought Poe liked the droid more than he liked you.

 Finn looked on bewildered “Okay let’s wrap this up, the First order will be here any second”.

As if on que, the unmistakable sound of TIE fighters filled the air.

All of you ran back to the ship about to reach it when a huge blast hit it and sent it flying into a million pieces. _Great_

“There!” You pointed to another small ship just sitting to the edge of the village. It looked to be an old Y-Wing ship. As you approached you realized it was only big enough for 1 person, maybe 2. Definitely not 3.

You exchanged glances with Finn and Poe. BB-8 looking between the 3 of you.

“GO” roared Poe. Shoving you and Finn towards the ship.

“No, Im not leaving you here to die Poe” you felt your throat tighten. _Your best friend, closest confidant. Sometimes maybe more than a friend…_ Blasts were going of everywhere around you.

“Il find another ship, its fine. Go back to resistance base and bring BB-8 straight to General Organa, he has the map she is looking for. Go…GO!” He gave BB-8 a reassuring push towards the ship.

This time it was Finn who spoke “You should go. I ran away from the first order, I should accept my punishment”

Poe gave a small smile “No. You saved my life, now it’s my turn to save yours”

_Why does he always have to be so noble?_

You ran towards Poe throwing your arms around him. “This isn’t goodbye”. You pulled yourself away and looked in those brown eyes. “Please stay safe”.  

Finn pulled at your arm and the two of you ran onto the Y-wing. Poe turning away to run somewhere, anywhere.

You hopped in the pilot’s seat, praying this piece of metal could actually fly. Finn cramped in behind you with BB-8 in the droid socket.

As you took off the ship groaned and creaked, clearly not used in a long while.

“Finn man the blasters” _Please god let us survive this_

You took off and began to fly, engaging in a sort of air-dance with the attacking TIE fighters. Dipping and arcing trying to avoid their blasts, simultaneously while Finn tried to hit them.

A blast hit the left engine, causing you to lurch to the ground.

You pulled up at the last second, the bottom of the Y-Wing skidding the ground.

You looked around and realized that less TIE fighters were pursing you guys, but pursuing a larger ship ahead of you. _Poe._ They must think that he has the droid.

This was your chance! He was giving you an opportunity to escape. You maneuvered around the few TIE fighters still chasing you, Finn blasting one to the ground. “WOOO” he cheered to himself. You laughed “good shot!”.

You rose higher and higher out of the atmosphere.

You punched in the coordinates of the resistance base, ready to make the jump to hyperspace.

 

“Where we goin now?” Finn asked, slightly out of breath from the adrenaline rush.

You looked backed at BB-8, you could tell he was sombre. This droid was your responsibility now, and you would do everything in your power to keep it safe. For Poe.

You looked ahead, the swirling of space around the ship as you travelled through light speed.

 

“D’Qar”.


	7. Chapter 7

Kylo Ren seethed. How had could this happen? How could he let you slip through his fingers?

He had searched for you for so long, and when he finally had you again, you were gone just as fast.

He thought about choking you, disgust and remorse pooling inside of him. How could he have hurt you like that? _I ruined any chance I had_ he thought. 

His shoulders heaved as he let out a scream. Amplified by the mask, no one dared to bother him during his outburst. Kylo ignited his lightsabre attacking the nearest control panel.

 

General Hux strode over to Kylo. _I am so damn sick of his childish behaviour. That control panel is expensive!_

“Ren please, stop making a scene”

Kylo shut off his sabre, turning towards the red-haired general. Hands once again a fist at his side. Oh how he would like to strangle Hux right there and then.

Kylo tried to calm his mind. “Any news on the traitor and the fugitives?”

General Hux tried to keep his face neutral, not wanting to show his fear towards the commander. “Yes. They escaped on a Y-Wing aircraft, likely headed for the resistance base. We are trying to figure out the exact location- “

Hux ceased to speak as Kylo turned to leave. He had heard enough. _These idiots are so incapable! How could two resistance pilots and a lowly storm trooper out best the First Order._

Next time he would be there.

There to get the map, and there to get you.

* * *

 

The Y-wing slowed from light speed finally reaching D’Qar. You could feel Finns nervousness.

“It will be fine! Anyone who hates the first order is welcome here” you gave him a reassuring smile. You un-braided your hair quickly, letting your locks cascade down your neck, hiding the angry marks that dotted your neck.

As you landed a swarm of people surrounded your ship, all eager to hear the story. People gave weary and confused looks to Finn- still wearing his storm trooper armour. 

“Finns just left the first order, he helped us escape on the _Finalizer._ He’s with us now”. You left him to be praised and celebrated by his new crew, as you and BB-8 made your way to the base.

Walking the many intricate hallways, you arrived at the main control area, where the General usually was. You spotted her across the room in a conversation with Admiral Ackbar.

_She changed her hair again_

As you approached, Leia bayed goodbye to the admiral and turned towards you, gathering you in an embrace.

“We were so worried when we heard about Jakku, we thought we would never see you and Poe again.” Looking around she looked back at you. “Speaking of, where is Poe?”

BB-8 let out a small low sound next to you.

You averted your eyes, opting to stare of your feet instead. “When we tried to escape Jakku there was only room for two people. He let us go. Last thing I saw was him fighting off five TIE fighters… I don’t know what’s happened to him.”

A small sad smile same to Leia’s lips “Well I wouldn’t expect anything less of the Commander. Always putting everyone first.”

You nodded in agreement, your chest tightening.

You changed the subject “good news is, we found the map you were wanting. Show her BB-8!”

Someone dimmed the lights as BB-8 obeyed and projected the map. A hologram type image hovering in the air. You could see every star in the image, every planet.

C-3PO waddled his way over. “Excuse me General, but it seems as if this is only a portion of the map.” He was right. “The rest is still missing I’m afraid.”

You turned towards Leia, disappointed in yourself, in the mission. Except the General looked happy. “It’s one step closer then we were before”. She patted you on the back “Well done. You should get some rest, you had a hard day”.

.

.

On your way back to your quarters you realized that you still didn’t know what that map was leading to, and why it was so important. _Oh well, a good question for another time._  

You had more pressing issues to think about. Like Be-Kylo Ren.


	8. Chapter 8

Kylo Ren stood at the observation deck, gazing into the vastness of space. It was the early hours of morning but he couldn’t sleep. He had too much on his mind. You were on his mind.

He thought back to that night when he destroyed everything. He should have woken you and asked you to join him. Maybe things would be different, maybe you would be with him right now. He thought again to choking you. Maybe you would have been here if he controlled his anger.

Kylo shook his head. He couldn’t dwell on these thoughts. _These feelings are a weakness._ Yet he couldn’t help but think of you…

Now that he had lost the map to the resistance, the next important task was finding you. _Skywalker can wait_.

 

* * *

 

A few weeks had passed on D’Qar. There were no missions to carry out, and the First Order was unusually quiet.

There was still no news from Poe.

You mostly hung out with Finn, showing him around base and giving history of the Resistance. He told you stories of his life with the First Order, not that he had much of a _life_ per say.  

With Poe gone Finn was your closest friend, and you were eternally grateful for him and his company.

The bruises on your neck began to fade away, along with the constant thoughts of Kylo Ren. Maybe you could finally put this all behind you.

.

.

.

One afternoon you were in the main control room, speaking to Statura about an upcoming diplomatic mission to Pantora.  One of the lieutenant watching the radar screen spoke “General, incoming spacecraft”

Your heart leapt in your chest. _Poe!_

General Organa made her way to the radar screen. She studied the inbounding fighters. These were not resistance ships… She paled “It’s the First Order. They found us.” Panic and mayhem filled the room. “Sound the alarms, prepare for attack!”

You sprinted from the room through the chaotic halls of the base. You had to find Finn, find BB-8. _They are still after the map._

You ran out of the base onto the busy landing pad. “FINN!”

Blasts rained down from the sky, shooting everything and anything. Several of the First Order ships landed and troopers stormed the base. You guys were totally caught off guard. You panicked “FINN!!”

No Finn in sight, but a familiar orange and white ball sped towards you beeping furiously.

“I know BB I cant find him anywhere”. You Spotted your X-wing across the landing pad, surprisingly still intact. “C’mon! Lets go”. You jumped in the cockpit ready to take off, ready to fight.

Frantic beeping told you a few Stormtroopers were closing in on you, your cockpit cover still open.

You felt the blast before you heard it, one of the troopers shot and hit your left arm. Your vison blurred momentarily and a wave of nauseas-ness rolled over you. You couldn’t fly like this.

You grabbed your blaster off of your holster and shot with your good arm, hitting two storm troopers.

You climbed back down off of the X-wing, BB-8 lowering himself from the droid socket.

Landing a in the distance you saw that ship again different from the rest, with huge dominating wings that folded up upon landing. _Kylo Rens shuttle._ Fear took hold of you. _Run._

You turned and ran into the lush forest surrounding the base, BB-8 rolling closely behind.

 

* * *

 

Kylo Ren’s shuttle landed. Anticipation building inside of him. He was so close.

He stepped off of the shuttle, breathing in the warm humid air. Such a change from the dry frigid air of Starkiller Base.

He felt you close by, felt your fear…and something else? Pain perhaps. _She’s injured._

A Stormtrooper approached Ren, pointing, “Commander, we spotted the droid heading into the forest. It was accompanied by a girl”. He didn’t need to be told, he could find you with the force. Kylo began to walk forward, flexing and un-flexing his hands. _So close._ Little did the First Order know, he wasn't here for the droid.

 

* * *

 

You slowed your pace trying to catch your breath, lungs stinging. You looked down at your arm, the wound had cauterized but it was still painful to lift, and you could see the clear blaster mark.

You were so far in the woods you could no longer hear the battle at the base. You closed your eyes and let out a long breath. You felt like a coward leaving the fight, but you couldn’t face Kylo Ren. You knew he would kill you instantly. 

Then you heard it. The loud hum of a lightsabre, but not just any lightsabre. _He found me._

You leaned down grabbing BB-8 “you need to go. Stay out of sight, you’ll be okay”. Beeps. “Yeah I’ll be okay, just go! Your too important” BB-8 reluctantly rolled away and out of sight.

 

You turned. You saw him approaching from behind a thicket of trees, red lightsabre crackling in his hand.

Fear paralyzed you, or was it the force. You tried to move your body but you were held in place as if by invisible ropes.

“We meet again” his harsh modulated voice reaching your ears. He extinguished his lightsabre and began to circle your frozen body like he did on the _finalizer_.

Tears rolled from your eyes, silently fighting against his force hold.

“You still fear me” he mumbled

You finally found your voice, confidence and anger filling you

“That’s what happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask!”

You slightly moved your head to the side against his force hold, exposing your neck “Come to finish the job have you?”

Kylo flinched under his mask, glad she couldn’t see his face. _So that’s what she thinks of me. A creature. A murderous monster._

He pulled his mind back, allowing the force hold on her to drop.

He decided to disregard your harsh comments. “My offer still stands. Come back and train with me.” He paused. “You have the ability to be great”

He walked closer to you, towering and menacing. You didn’t realize how tall he was, your head coming roughly to his shoulder.

 

Almost pleadingly “Please”. He reached forward-ignoring your flinch-and once again laid his palm on your cheek. He wished he could hear your thoughts at this very moment.

Even through his leather glove you felt that almost electric jolt pass between the two of you.

You stared into the slit in his mask where his eyes lay behind.

If you agreed to this, he might stop this attack on the resistance.

You knew the resistance was weak right now, and they needed time to recoup…

 

You would sacrifice yourself.

 

“Fine” you said shakily, reaching up and prying his hand off of your cheek. “But then this attack stops. The map is gone, there is nothing for the First Order here. Leave the resistance be”.  He nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. Once again glad the mask was there to hide his emotions.

Grabbing your uninjured arm- more gently than anticipated- he led you back through the woods to his ship.

As you reached his ship he turned towards a Stormtrooper with a red marking on his armour

“Pull the division out, we have what we need”.


	9. Chapter 9

Instead of being taken back to the finalizer, you were taken to a snow-covered planet; Starkiller base. A trooper led you through the massive base, winding down multiple hallways and corridors. _I’m definitely gonna get lost_. Finally, he reached your door, giving you a code. “This will be your quarters. Commander Ren will be in touch”.

He left you to explore your room. It was small and decorated mostly in black, clearly the First Orders favorite colour. There was a small refresher and a small closet to the right of the room. Surprisingly the black-sheeted bed was a decent size.

You wandered over to the window opposite your bed. Looking out at the snow you sighed, you missed the greenery of D’Qar already.

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.

You stepped into the refresher, turning on the shower. You felt dirty, dried blood covered your left arm. You undid your braid and shook out your hair. You stood in the hot water for a while, re-thinking everything that happened in the past 12 hours. _How did this happen._

After drying off you searched the closet for something to wear. There wasn’t much choice, so you opted for black shorts and a black tank top, good enough for pyjamas.

You laid on the bed, fatigue taking hold of you. Almost slipping into a slumber, you were roused to a knock at the door. Your heart rate quickened, you knew who it was.

You walked over the door letting it slide open. Kylo Ren stood before you. He didn’t say anything, so you stepped back and motioned for him to come inside.

“I hope these quarters will be satisfactory for your comfort” _Since when did he care about my comfort_ you thought.

You looked around, trying to look at anything but him. “Yeah its fine. It’ll do”.

You could feel him staring at you, so you finally turned to look at him. You didn’t realize before he was carrying a pile of books. You raised your eyebrows “What are those?”

“I realize that besides our training you might find yourself bored at times, so I brought you these” he laid them on your bed. You were surprised. _He’s almost being nice. Probably an act._

You did love reading so you were inwardly happy, but on the outside, you just nodded. You couldn’t bring yourself to thank him.

Seeing your approval, he turned and walked towards your window, looking out at the snowy landscape.

You grew annoyed and folded your arms across your chest “Look, is there anything else you need to speak to me about? I’m tired and would like to go to bed”. If he was keeping you here, forcing you to train under him, you didn’t need to be pleasant.

He turned back towards you, you noticed his hands were balled at his sides. “Yes”. He sounded harsher this time “Tomorrow we will begin your training. I will be here at 8:00 to show you to the training room”.  

You nodded. “Okay, sounds good. Il see you tomorrow then” you walked to the door and waited for him to exit. 

He hesitated for a split-second, then gently lifted his hand to lightly run his fingers across your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. “This… this will never happen again. Il never hurt you ever again” his voice significantly lower even through the modulator. You just stood there, rooted in place. Kylo lowered his hand, quickly walking away before you could reply.

 

You walked back to your bed, grabbing the books and moving them to your couch. You noticed something peeking out from behind the cover of the top book, you opened it.

You let out a small breath. Lying on the page was a tattered bracelet, woven out of silkweed and brown Rancor-leather, with small beads on the ends. It was very old and on the brink of disintegration. You ran your fingers over it, a bubble of sadness and astonishment rising in your chest.

You rummaged through your memories.

You made this bracelet for Ben Solo, when you were both children training at Luke Skywalker’s academy. _He kept this? Why?_ You took the bracelet out of the book and laid it on your bedside table.

You got into bed, crawling under the covers. Drifting into sleep, a last conscious thought floated through your mind. _Maybe Ben Solo isn’t fully gone.._

_._

_._

_._

That morning Kylo led you to the training room- a large circular space with one area of the wall composed of mirrors. You noticed on the opposing side wall that there were multiple holes punched through it. _This guy really needs anger management._ There were two mats on the ground side-by-side in the middle of the room, he motioned you to sit.

You felt nervous, having not used the force in a long time, hoping you could still wield it.

You sat facing each other, that familiar feeling that his eyes were glued to you.

“Okay if we’re gonna do this, can you please take the mask off. I don’t like not being able to see who I’m working with”

He sighed, the modulator cracking as he let out his breath. “It really won’t add anything to your training”.

You just started at him “Fine! Then I get a mask too. Why do you get to see my face if I can’t see yours?”

You knew you were being annoying but he basically forced you to do this. You weren’t going to make his life easy.

Another sigh. He slowly reached up unlatching his mask at the base of his jaw, hiss of air escaping.

He pulled off the mask and set it beside him.

You could feel your cheeks redden at the sight of him, embarrassed that you still had this reaction.

His full lips pulled into a slight smirk, he was glad he had this effect on you.  “let’s start with simple meditation. You need to re-connect yourself with the force”.

You crossed your legs and closed your eyes, focusing on your breathing and the energy around you. Slowly you felt the force rising in you, coming out for the first time in many years. It filled you with light, peace, purpose. You stayed like this for a while, time seemed to pass in odd ways when meditating; it could have been minutes, it could have been hours.

Kylo watched you meditate, seeing the calm wash over your features. He felt your light emanating off of you, creeping into his own being. He couldn’t help but feel drawn to you. He closed his eyes letting this feeling wash over him.

You felt a slight pressure in your skull. Your eyes flew open “What are you doing!!” You knew he was trying to see into your mind. He opened his own eyes. “You don’t just get to peer into my mind anytime you like!” Your calm diminished, replaced with annoyance and slight anger.

Rens jaw clenched “I am your teacher, there can’t be any secrets between us. I have a right to know what you are thinking and seeing”. Oh, how he wished that he could hear your thoughts like everyone else.

You let out a small huff “No. You have to earn that right Commander”.  He glared at you for a few seconds.

You had to look away, melting under the intensity of his deep brown eyes.

Suddenly he got up, pulling his mask on. His face hidden once again, his barrier up.

His gloved hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.  

 

“We’re done for today, I’ll l meet you back here tomorrow morning. Keep meditating tonight”. Then he strode from the room without another word.

You sighed and laid on your back, your mind exhausted. _Not off to a good start_. You rolled to your side and looked at the many holes punched in the wall. You hoped that would never be your fate-your face for that matter.


	10. Chapter 10

You fell into a rhythm with Kylo Ren for the next few weeks; training in the morning, afternoon to yourself, then training again in the evening.

You were advancing every training session, now being able to levitate multiple objects and preform mind manipulation. Ren seemed impressed with your progress.

He hadn’t tried to enter your mind since that first session.

Occasionally the commander let you sit in on meetings with other officials on the base, giving you exposure to the diplomatic side of the galaxy. After these meetings, he would often complain about a person named Hux, you could feel his deep hatred for this man rippling through the air.  

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.

.

One afternoon while exploring another area of the base, you accidentally bumped into a thin red-haired man while turning a corner. He backed away from you with a sour expression on his pale face. “Im so sorry Sir, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t see you!” you squeaked. You didn’t know why you felt afraid of this man, he was far less intimidating compared to a certain masked man you knew.

His eyes raked you up and down, his expression softening. “You’re Rens little apprentice, aren’t you?” you said nothing. “Yes, yes I have heard much about you…” He extended his hand “I’m General Hux, one of the leading officers of this base”.

 

You shook his hand. _So this is Hux._

 

You suddenly heard a commotion down the hall. Both turning you saw a lieutenant cowering under the frame of Kylo Ren. You could hear the man pleading “I’m sorry commander, please it won’t happen again!” You saw Kylo raise his arm and make a cupping motion with his hand. The lieutenant grasped at his neck, spluttering and coughing, face turning purple. “Pl..e..as..e”

Finally having enough Kylo relaxed his hand and lowered his arm, the man crashing to the ground gasping for air. _He just force-choked him!!_

You cursed under your breath _._ You tuned back to Hux, who seemed unfazed by what just happened. You had a feeling this wasn’t the first occurrence.

Hux leaned in closer to you, lowering his voice. “I would be careful if I were you… Rens anger is sporadic.”  He slid his own hand up to his neck “And sometimes he as a tendency to just.. slip”. He gave his neck a squeeze on the word ‘slip’, then gave you a small wink.

You stepped back, brow furrowed thinking over what he had just said. He was smirking at your sudden concern. “Good luck..” he said nonchalantly, leaving you standing there confused. You could see why Ren didn’t like him, you didn’t either.. something about him gave you a bad feeling.

You felt Ren coming up behind you, you could feel his white-hot rage. He suddenly grabbed your arm tightly and dragged you down the halls, your feet running to keep up with his fast pace “Ouch! Ren! Let go of me” you struggled against his grasp but he did not let up.

You guys reached the training room and he yanked you inside. Fear rose inside of you. _He is unstable and dangerous. Be careful!_

Still holding on to your arm with one hand he took off his mask with the other, throwing it down on the floor.

Then he grasped both of your shoulders as if to steady himself leaning down resting his forehead again yours. You felt an electric jolt as he touched you. You were rooted in place, frozen in fear.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself, breathing deeply, still holding onto you as if you were the last stable object on earth. _What’s happening!_ Your mind screamed inside.

He held onto you like that for a while, you could slowly feel his anger ebbing down, calmness taking hold of him. You finally spoke “Ren… what’s..what’s wrong, what’s happening?” your voice barely audible. 

He finally stepped back but with hand still on your shoulders “I’m sorry" he was shaking his head "I didn’t mean to scare you” his voice was low and shaky. He finally let go of you, starting to pace slowly in front of you. “Your presence calms me…” he searched for his next words “you have an effect on me. I lost control back there.. I just knew I needed to get to you.” His face was flush with embarrassment and guilt.

Your stomach fluttered at his explanation, touched by his emotions. You walked over to him and grabbed his hand giving it a reassuring squeeze, that recognizable jolt of electricity passing between your touch. “It’s okay. I was just confused that’s all” You gave him a small smile, studying his face before yours, looking up at all the freckles and beauty marks that scattered his complexion.

His eyes bore in you your own. “I felt your fear” he seemed ashamed of what he inflicted on you. “But I will never hurt you like that again… I won’t ever treat you like that.”

You gave a small nod, still holding onto his hand “I know”. 

And this time, you really did know.


	11. Chapter 11

Aside from Force training, Kylo now had you training in combat. You needed to learn how to fight. You personally thought your fighting skills were decent, but after a few painful hits from him during your first session, you were proven wrong.

 

You landed on the mat with a hard thud. Everything ached, you had bruises scattered all over your body. Months of mind training and physical training left you utterly exhausted.

Kylo held out a hand to help you up. “Come at me again.”

You groaned, you couldn’t take much more.

You approached him at a high pace, faking a hit to his right side while you landed a blow to his left. He grabbed your arm harshly and twisted you around. You kicked behind you, trying to hit his groin. Missing, you opted to stomp down on his foot. Still holding your one arm he kicked behind your right knee sending you falling onto your knees. You tried to wrangle yourself of his grip, but it was all too easy for him. He dug his knee to your back, shoving you down face first into the mat.

You laid there panting “No more!! Please” You heard him chuckle above you. _Was that a laugh?_ You had barely even seen him smile before.

You got up slowly, your muscles throbbing, your braided hair disheveled. “You don’t play fair Commander.” How could you ever physically overpower a man two times your weight?

“Okay okay that’s enough for today. I can see you’re too weak to keep going” he teased. “But there is no fair in fighting”.

He walked over to the bench to grab a drink. You turned and focused all your pent-up frustration on his water bottle, raising a hand in that direction. Just as the water was about to touch his lips the glass bottle exploded, sending shards of glass and water everywhere.

He looked up at you astonished and honestly a little shocked.

You gathered your things, ready to take a long well-deserved shower.

Walking past him you gave him a little wink. “I don’t always play fair either”.

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.

.

Later that night you were resting on your couch finishing one of the books Kylo had given you, when your datapad lit up with a message from Ren. He needed to speak with you and asked if he could come to your quarters.

You quickly cleaned up, not wanting him to think that you were a complete pig. You un-braided your hair, letting the crimps flow down your shoulders, and changed into nicer clothes. _Not like you were trying to impress him or anything…_

You heard a knock at the door.

 

Opening it you stepped back so Kylo could come inside. He took off his helmet right away setting it down on your couch. You secretly loved that he always took it off in your presence now.

He reached towards you and grabbed a lock of your hair almost studying it. Your breath hitched in your chest. “Your hair is different.. it looks nice” he let go of the strand as you felt heat rise to your cheeks.

Trying to get his eyes off of you, you motioned to the pile of books he brought you your first day on base. “I finished them”

“All of them? That’s impressive”.  You couldn’t help but smile at his praise “Well besides our training I have quite a bit of free time”.

He sat on your couch motioning for you to sit down too. “You are going to have even more free time starting tomorrow I’m afraid. I’m leaving for a mission off base. It shouldn’t be too long but we are thinking about two weeks”.  

“Ah two weeks isn’t bad! I’m sure I’ll find something to do” you answered quickly in hopes of hiding your disappointment.

“Captain Phasma said you could join in on some of her training sessions if you’d like, work on your combat skills”.  You nodded in agreement “Sure! Sounds good…Can’t wait” You felt like you weren’t being very convincing, but Kylo didn’t press the matter.

He stood “Okay, well I should be off then. Il let you rest”.  You stood too, arms folding over your chest. He grabbed his helmet about to lower it over his head when he paused looking over at your bedside table. You followed his line of vision, landing on the bracelet you made so many years ago.

He set his helmet back down and walked over to the bedside table. He picked it up, holding it in his palm gently as if any sudden movement might break it. “I’m glad you found it” his eyes still considering the bracelet, his voice somehow deeper than you have ever heard it.

You walked over to him “I can’t believe you kept it all this time. It seems like so long ago I made it for you.. I mean for Ben..” you trailed off noticing your slip up.

He looked down into your eyes, sadness filling his own.  His eyes quickly flickered to your lips _or was it your imagination?_

He motioned to lay it back on your bedside table when you grasped his hand. “No. You keep it.” He began to shake his head in protest. 

“Please Ren. I made it for you! Even if it was for Ben Solo at the time… I.. I still want you to have it” you paused “Use it as a good luck charm, or a token to remember me by”.  You tried to lighten this serious moment.

He looked momentarily alarmed “To remember you by? Where are you going?” 

You laughed “No where…yet”. You folded his hand over the bracelet before he tucked it safely in a pocket on his robes.

 

He made his way to the door. Lowering his helmet over his face you pouted, you hated seeing him disappear behind the metal. He reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You relished the feeling. “see you in two weeks”.

Then he was gone.


	12. Chapter 12

You decided you liked Phasma. She was tough but fair, and she was quick-witted. You loved when she poked fun at Hux or made savage comments towards her troops.

You trained in physical combat with her and her troops every morning. And you were getting good. So good in fact you could even take on and defeat more than one trooper at a time. Turns out fighting wasn’t so hard if it wasn’t against Kylo Ren.

 

Besides the training, you occasionally would join Phasma around the base doing various tasks, attend meetings with Hux, and shadow some of the other commanders. You still despised the First Order and everything it stood for, but you were lonely, and this kept you busy.

You thought back to the night Kylo left. You felt sad. And then you felt stupid for feeling sad. _Obviously, he has important things to do! You aren’t the top priority here._

But you couldn’t deny that you missed him. You wondered if he missed you too.

_Don’t be ridiculous, of course he doesn’t. Kylo Ren is incapable of feeling anything else besides hatred and anger._

No matter how much you told yourself this, you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to him. You could sense conflict within him. Sense some good left in his soul.

With all this free time, you often found yourself thinking about the resistance. Wondered what they were doing, how was Finn, BB-8, Poe? Your chest tightened at this last thought, you still didn’t know if Poe was alive or not, but you prayed he was. The thought of Poe no longer elicited that feeling you used to get, a feeling you couldn’t quite name. But he was just a good friend you decided, and that’s all he will ever be.

.

.

.

You lost count of how long Ren had been gone, the days blurring together.

That evening you were in the control bay speaking with Hux and Phasma about another upcoming diplomatic mission when you felt it. Felt his presence back on the planet.

Elation rose in your chest, but you fought to keep a neutral face.

You felt him approach closer and closer. Hux was the first to spot him and speak “Ah our favourite Commander is back” sarcasm and distain dripping from his tone. He reached you guys and came to stand beside you. “Maybe it’s time you retire Ren, your apprentice here seems more than capable of filling your shoes”.

You blushed, really wishing this wasn’t how your reunion would go. Kylo looked down at you “Is that so” you forgot how harshly the mask modulated his voice as he usually never wears it around you.

You shook your head and let out an uncomfortable laugh.

Hux persisted “I’m serious Ren, I think she is ready to join off-base missions. I observed her combat fighting these weeks, she is quite good”.

Not helping the situation Phasma agreed “Yes she has come a long way, I think she is fit for battles”. Hux smirked up at Ren, whose hands were curled into tight fists at his side. You could feel his hatred towards Hux permeating the air.

Kylo finally spoke “No. She is not ready, she is still weak. And since I am her Master, I decide when she is reasy”. He looked back at you. “Lets go. We have lots to do”.

 

Your heart sunk. _He doesn’t think I’m good enough? He thinks I’m weak._

You followed him in silence. He led you down hallways you have never been down before. Twisting and turning farther into the base you finally reached a deserted corridor. He waved his arm and the door slid open revealing his own personal quarters. A large room with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out onto the snowy landscape.

The second he stepped inside he removed his helmet, his luscious hair spilling down the sides of his face. But this time you didn’t blush or feel flustered. You were angry, and he could tell.

Wasting no time, you attacked aggressively “did you really mean that? What you said back there to Hux and Phasma. About me being weak and not ready?”

He sighed and walked over to his own couch, his living space much larger and nicer than yours. He sat down and put his face in his hands. “No. I didn’t mean it”. Your hands flew up in an exasperated manor and you walked to stand in front of him. “Then why did you say that in front of them? It was embarrassing! I have been working so hard for some sort of recognition”.

He suddenly stood up and grabbed you by the arms, desperation and frustration rolling off of him. He soaked you in, feeling your light calm him. _I missed you_ he thought to himself.

“Because I’m worried okay! I don’t want to see you get hurt! The missions the First Order carry out are not safe or easy. I’m not sending you out there until I know your absolutely ready”. His grasp on you was so strong that you would definitely have bruises there in the morning.  “It will put my mind at ease. I’m not ready to send you out there alone”.

His grip on your arms slackened and his hands slid down towards your own, leaving a trail of shivers on your arms. Your expression softened, touched by his honesty. “Okay. Well just next time don’t make me sound like a complete skill-less idiot infront of them.”

Kylo’s expression changed as he let go of your hands “Why is Hux’s approval so important to you? Are you trying to impress him or something?”

You were taken aback. _Is he jealous?_ “What? No!” you shook your head in disbelief “I just don’t want him OR Phasma thinking I’m incapable and weak and a liability to the First Order. Surely you can understand that!” He still looked at you, his gaze burning into your retinas. For good measure you added "and I could care less about Hux's approval, he means nothing to me. I just need him to know I am a good fighter and not a weakness."  

Kyle's gaze softened, clearly satisfied with your statement. _Yeah, definitely jealous._ Kylo sighed and sat on the couch “you’re right. I’m sorry, I won’t say those things again.”

You sat down next to him studying his perfect face. Trying to break the newly formed tension and change the subject you asked “so how was the mission?”

“It was fine” he said dismissively, clearly not wanting to talk about that. “That reminds me, I have something for you”. He reached into his robes, pulling out a small clear crystal hanging from a thin silver chain. _A kyber crystal._

You had chosen your very own kyber crystal when you were a young Jedi training with Luke, but you hadn’t yet constructed your own sabre. On top of that, you left your crystal behind the night of the massacre.

Your eyes flickered from the crystal to his face, remaining silent.

He suddenly felt anxious at your response. _Maybe she doesn’t like it. “_ I know that every force user usually chooses their own crystal, but I felt drawn to this one. For you.”

You reached up grabbing the crystal from his hand. It felt warm. A reaction from your touch it started to vibrate, a quiet hum filling the air. Before your eyes the crystal began to change from a clear colourless to a deep shade of lavender-amethyst.

You laughed in surprise. He had chosen the perfect one, you force connecting with the crystal instantly. You unclasped the chain and pulled it around your neck, the crystal lightly resting on your breastbone.

 

Kylo was smiling at you, a sparkle in his eyes.

“Thank you Kylo, really” You beamed at him “I can’t believe you chose this for me. I love it”

He froze, realizing this was the first time you called him ‘Kylo’. He relished in the feeling replaying the sound in his head, loving the way his name rolled off your tongue. His eyes quickly darted to your lips, desire taking hold of him.  

Shaking himself out of his momentary trance he cleared his throat. “Yes…I’m glad you like it.” He stood “You should get going, get some rest before tomorrow”. You stood, getting the hint that he wanted you to leave.

Walking to the door you paused to look back at him, your hand encasing the crystal around your neck “Goodnight, Kylo”. 

You turned away as the door slid closed leaving him alone. He let out a long exhale.

He couldn’t explain the feeling that took hold of him every time he was near you. You seemed to inadvertently pull him towards the light, a beacon in his otherwise dark life. All he knew is he wanted to be around you…protect you. 

 

He was falling. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.  


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the slow burn comes to an end...

Ren and you were spending more and more time together outside of training. And for the first time since leaving the force and Jedi world behind, you were happy. Truly happy. It felt just like the old times you shared with Ben.

Sure, you missed the resistance and your friends back on D’Qar, but now you truly felt like you were finding your place in the galaxy.

Even though you resided on Starkiller base and wore the First Order emblem on your clothes, your allegiance wasn’t to the First order. It was to Kylo Ren.

He was your teacher, leader, closest confidant. Friend.

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.

.

The next portion of you training was sparring, preparing you for the eventual use of a lightsaber. As with the combat, you could still never seem to beat Ren. He was too skilled, and you were too small. But you kept at it, for days on end.

One particular morning you felt strong, the force flowing through you steadily. You entered the training room seeing Kylo meditating on the mat. You grabbed your staff and walked over to him tapping your foot on the ground in impatience. He peered up at you.

“Let’s go! I want to spar. Im ready”.  He chuckled at your eagerness and stood, grabbing his own staff.

“Don’t go easy on me, okay?” He smiled that cute smile, your stomach giving a small flutter. _No. Focus._

“I wouldn’t dream of it” he answered. You both got into position.

You came at him, about to strike his shoulder, but he read your movement moving quickly to block the blow. You then opted to swing the spar down low at his ankles, Kylo jumping over it just in time.

This time he was on the attack. He dipped and weaved left, raising the staff high and swinging it down hard. You blocked the blow, staggering back a little trying to keep your balance.

You threw your staff towards him with your left hand while your right found his abdomen in a hard punch. He grunted, but didn’t waver.

He tried to bring down another powerful hit with his staff, but you quickly raised your hand in his staff’s direction, causing it to shoot out of his hand and land with a thud across the room.

He tilted his head studying you “Good one”.

Empty handed he walked towards you. You tried to jut out your staff but he grabbed onto it with both hands. A power-struggle beginning. You tried to push the staff and him forward but he was stronger, slowly forcing you backwards.

Your back hit the wall, trapped between it and him. He crept closer until his body was fully pressed up against yours.

Time seemed to freeze. Your heart thudded loudly in your chest, heat radiating off your cheeks. He had never been this close to you before. You looked into his eyes then down to his full lips.

He grabbed the staff that was separating your bodies and threw it to the side, his hands reaching up to either side of your face. Then his lips came crashing down onto yours. At first you were a little stunned, your brain apparently not working, but then you began to kiss him back, passionately, months-no-years of build-up finally set free. You stood on your tip-toes so he didn’t have to strain his neck so much leaning down.

He moved his one hand to the back of your head, tangling it in your hair, while the other one found your hip pulling you somehow even closer to him.

His kisses were greedy, fervent, desperate. He held onto you as if you might disappear from his grasp at any moment. You pulled back for an instant, trying to catch your breath. Not wanting to be separated a second longer he dragged you back to him, his kisses softer and slower than before. Your hands grasped at his thick hair while his traced a line along your jaw.

This time he was the one to pull away, resting his forehead on your shoulder, breathing heavily. After a few moments he gathered his composure, straightening to look at you. “You have no idea.. how long I’ve wanted to do that”

You smiled, reaching up to place a gentle chaste kiss on hip lips, already missing the feeling of hips lips on yours “Me too”. 

Both of you jumped at the sudden sound of a code being punched into the door outside. Kylo quickly moved away from you quickly sliding the helmet over his head. You straightened out your clothes and hastily tried to smooth your dishevelled hair.

The door slid open and General Hux walked in looking between the two of you, sensing something was up. He cleared his throat looking to Kylo “Ah yes, sorry to…interrupt your _training…_ but Leader Snoke has requested you. Now”.  Kylo turned to you, nodded then followed Hux out the door.

You let out a sharp breath, your mind reeling. You ran your fingers over your swollen lips which were still tingling with sensation. 

You smiled to yourself while gathering your things, ready to leave the room.

 

_Oh boy, I’m in trouble_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY


	14. Chapter 14

Kylo entered a large dark room, walking down a narrow walkway that ended at a circular platform, the air temperature so low he could almost see his breath. Not an unexpected discomfort as Kylo had visited this room many times before. At the end of the walkway Kylo kneeled. In front of him what was before just an empty space of air now became a compilation of moving pixels.

Then before his eyes appeared a large holographic image of Leader Snoke sitting on his chair, his deformities exaggerated in the enormous projection. He looked displeased. “You have disappointed me, my young apprentice. The map to Skywalker lies with the resistance, you let it slip through your fingers”.

Kylo looked up at Snoke through his helmet. “Yes, we had trouble acquiring the map, but they aren’t any closer to finding him than we are, the map is incom-“  He was cut off, Snoke leaning forward, interrupting him, “You have been unfocused, I can feel it. I sense your mind slipping, the light slithering into you. And you’re too weak to stop it”. 

Kylo looked back down at the ground, anger and guilt coursing through him. He couldn’t deny what Snoke was saying. He felt it himself.

Kylo silently prayed that Snoke wouldn’t probe his mind this meeting. He couldn’t know about you, not yet.

Snoke relaxed back into his chair. “No matter, the resistance will soon be crushed. General Hux’s plans soon falling into place.”

Kylo looked back up at his master “I have felt the calling of the light, but by the grace of your training I will not be seduced”. Snoke seemed pleased at his apprentice’s praise and dedication. “We shall resume your training immediately, you need to be as powerful as possible when you finally come face-to-face again with Skywalker. You need to destroy him, the last of the Jedi. Wiping the galaxy clean of their wretched race one and for all”.

“Yes, Master”. Then Snoke’s hologram disappeared.

Little did Snoke know, Luke Skywalker wasn’t the last jedi. Little did he know Kylo was training a new one right now…

 

* * *

 

You hadn’t seen or heard from Kylo in a while, ever since that day in the training room. He was apparently ‘training’ off base. _Training for what_ you wondered. You hadn’t slept much since that kiss, the thought of his lips on yours keeping your mind reeling. You hoped he would be back soon, you missed him.

One evening you were standing out on one of the balconies that wrapped around the mountainous side of the base, the cold fresh air hitting your face. Even though you missed the heat and greenery of D’Qar, you had to admit the white sparking snow was beautiful in its own way. You watched the sun get lower and lower, casting a pink-ish hue to the sky.

You heard someone approaching, it was Hux. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” You were slightly annoyed he intruded on this serene moment. “Yeah it really is, I’ve never seen a view quite like this before”. He nodded, looking out towards the last sliver of sun setting.

“Is there something I can do for you general?”

He turned away from the terrain to look at you “Not at the moment no. I just came to tell you that when Ren returns, you will accompany him and a handful of troops on a mission to Onderon. Just a short diplomatic mission, no need to get our hands dirty”.

Your brows furrowed “Okay, I… I don’t have much diplomatic or political knowledge though. Wouldn’t someone else be better suited for this?” He shook his head “No no, nonsense! You are perfectly capable of this. I have been watching you train, your showing great promise.” He flashed you a phony smile. Something felt off. You raised your brows “If we aren’t getting our hands dirty, then why do we need the backup of Stormtroopers? And why would my physical combat training be an asset?”  

His voice found your ears, sounding harsher and more serious than before “so inquisitive you are. Questions for another time perhaps?” He slightly smirked at you, turning to return inside the warmth of the base. _Hux is up to something.._

You returned to your room, stepping into a hot shower, your fingers and toes numb from the cold. You stood in the water for a while letting it run over you, anxiety creeping up about this mission. _It’s okay, calm down. Kylo will be there with you...If he ever gets back._

 

After you changed you crawled into bed, exhaustion taking hold of you. You drifted off for a few hours, until there was a loud knock at the door. You shot up, first fearful then excited realizing who it might be. You slid open the door. Standing in front of you was your favorite masked man.

He stood there for a moment taking in the sight of you before swooping in and grabbing you in a tight embrace, your face pressing into his chest. You breathed in his scent. “I missed you” your voice muffled by his chest. He eased his hold on you allowing you to slightly lean back, reach up and take off his mask. His face sending your stomach into jitters.

He smiled, bringing his hands to the back of your head entwining his fingers in your hair. “I missed you too” then he gently leaned down grazing his lips with yours. A shiver going down your spine. He moved to rest his forehead on yours, the tips of your noses brushing. You felt his fatigue through the force, he had a long journey. You looked up at him seeing deep purplish bags under his eyes, concern setting in. “When’s the last time you slept? You look…not good”.

He clutched at his heart pretending to be offended “wow! That was hurtful. I don’t see you for a week and that’s the reaction I get? That I look awful?”

You laughed, standing on your tip-toes to kiss him again. You couldn’t help it. You pulled back “I’m serious though, is everything alright?” His smile receded a bit and he began to pace in front of you. “I’ve been having very vivid dreams recently…nightmares I guess they are” he sounded almost embarrassed. “I mean I’ve been having nightmares for years, but they have gotten worse as of late”.

You felt bad for him, knowing how terrible it must be to be constantly woken from terrifying visions. You suffered the same situation for a while after the massacre.

An idea came to you. “Well you could stay here tonight…if you want” he looked at you, eyes widening “..only if you want to though! I just know sometimes that being with someone else can help” you felt yourself blushing.

He walked back over to you grabbing you by the shoulders, his lips meeting yours with a passion, trying to convey to you what words couldn’t articulate. His lips moved down towards your neck as your hands began to wander his body, removing his armour and robes bit by bit until he was just in his black under shirt and shorts. You grabbed the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head.

You ran your hands down his chest and his abdomen, feeling the lean muscles and grooves under his soft skin. A small smirk rose to his lips watching you admire him.

His lips found yours again, not breaking the kiss as you made your way over to the bed. He pushed you down as he crawled over top of you on all fours, his hands at each side of your head.

You reached up and gently touched his scar, running your thumb over it while tracing it downward to his collar bone. His eyes shut while you did this, enjoying the sensation, appreciating the fact that you were so accepting to the mark he thought so hideous.

His exhaustion was reaching a breaking point, you could feel it. You really wanted to continue where _this_ was headed, but knew what he needed more than anything was to sleep.

You tugged him down so he was lying beside you, pulling the covers up. He pressed his chest up against your back, his arm wrapping around your waist. He nestled his face into the back of your neck, inhaling the scent of your hair. He pulled you in tighter, never wanting to let go.

You smiled, adoring the feeling of his warmth behind you and his arm around you. “Goodnight, Kylo” you whispered. You didn’t get an answer from him but heard a small snore, he was already out.

 

And for the first time in years, Kylo Ren had a dreamless and peaceful sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW!!!!!!! my first time writing smut.. hope it's okay!

You woke the next morning, stretching your hands out along the bed, your hands meeting an empty and cold space beside you. You didn’t know why you expected Kylo to be there when you woke up, he obviously has more important things to do.  You smiled to yourself, thinking about the way he held you tightly in his sleep, and for the sheer fact that he spent the night in your bed. You rose and headed to the refresher, getting ready for the day.

You wore your hair in a loose ponytail and put on your training clothes, getting ready to meet Kylo for more force training. You grabbed your staff and made your way over to the room, walking through the busy hallways. The door slid open before you had even reached for it, revealing Kylo sitting on one of the mats meditating. You came in quietly and sat cross-legged in front of him, closing your own eyes. You felt his gaze and opened one of your eyes, seeing him staring at you.

A small embarrassed smile forming on your lips “What?” he gave his head a small shake, “nothing… I just wish I could see your mind sometimes”. _Uhg not this again._ It’s not like you didn’t trust him, but you liked having your feelings and thoughts private. “Why? What do you want to see so bad?” He raised his hand and cupped your cheek “Everything”.

He leaned in and his lips hovered over yours, “I want to feel you. Really know you.” Your stomach turning into knots at his closeness. You felt bad that you have never let him in, granting the one thing he seems to want to bad. He moved his hand up to your temple “Please” his shaky voice filled with desperation and plead. “Okay” you whispered, leaning your forehead against his.

You felt a small pressure in your head, building as he tried to get past your mental defences. Pressure soon became pain and you whimpered in response to the feeling. Sensing your pain he gave you a small kiss, but kept pushing. It felt like a wall in your mind was being demolished brick by brick. You tried to make it easier for him to enter but your ‘wall’ was solid and strong. Silent tears escaped your eyes, your head throbbing.

He pulled back, the pain ceasing. “It’s okay, we can try another time. I don’t want to inflict this much pain on you” but for some reason you wanted to be closer to him too, you wanted him to see. You grabbed his hand and guided it back to your temple “no, keep going. I’m alright. I want this”. He closed his eyes again and started to push again, harder this time as to make it quick. You yelped in pain as he gave a huge mental shove, but then the pain disappeared. _He was in._ You felt an electric energy passing between the two of you, flowing through one being to the next. You felt him in your mind and you could see him looking through your thoughts and feelings, bursts of colours and emotions, images and sounds.

Again he looked back to night of the Jedi massacre, felt your despair and sadness, your longing for anyone. For Ben. You could feel his own emotions in reaction to what he was seeing; regret, sorrow, anger. He looked at your life before and after joining the resistance, his probing landing on Poe, your thoughts and feeling surrounding him. You felt his jealously rising at the memories, annoyance clouding his mind. You felt him searching for the moment you were captured by the first order, the first encounter with Kylo Ren. He saw your fear, heard your thoughts about him… ‘monster’, he haw himself raising his hand, choking the air out of your lungs. You could feel his disgust with himself, guilt and remorse.

He kept looking in on your newer memories, he could feel your feelings towards him change. Morph into something far from hate. You could feel his heart quicken at these thoughts.

You reached your hand up to his temple now, trying to maybe peer into his mind. It was so open and you were able to see him watching your thoughts. It was a strange feeling, but you liked being as close as you possibly could. You flipped through his own thoughts and feelings. You watched through his eyes as you escaped with Poe and Finn, heard his racing thoughts, his feeling of loss and anguish, he didn’t want you to go. You watched him come towards you for the first time in the training room when he kissed you, you felt his need and his elation at finally _having_ you _._ You saw his torment, bursts of rage and violence at periodic times. You felt the darkness in his soul, but you also felt the strong pull to the light. Conflict.

You were about to pull away when you sensed another memory, an old memory, and you looked on. You could feel him trying to shove you away from this moment but you persisted. He was young, still Ben Solo. It was the night of the massacre. You watched through his own eyes as he approached your tent entering alone. You watched as he reached his hand towards _you_ about to wake you up. You felt his admiration and protectiveness of you. You felt his internal struggle, his thoughts about dragging you to the dark side with him. You saw him stop his hand mid-air deciding not to go through with it. You felt his gloom as he realized he had to leave you. _She is too good, too pure._ You saw him leave the tent, leave you, telling the other padwans _I killed her_.

You pulled out of his mind, breathing heavily, tears spilling down your cheek. You looked up at him but he was averting his eyes. You felt confusion, and didn’t know what to say. He spared you that night, spared your soul from the dark side. “You.. you didn’t wake me”. He finally looked up at you, his eyes dark with emotion. “No. I couldn’t do that to you, you were too good. I didn’t want to subject you to a life down the dark path”. He grabbed your hand “Would you have come with me? If I did wake you and asked you to join me, would you have come?” You thought about this for a moment “Yeah, I think I would have.” You saw a spark flash across his eyes “Then I know I made the right decision. I couldn’t have done that to you”.

You leaned in, breathing in his scent, feeling his warmth. You felt like you already knew the answer to the question you were about to ask, but you needed to know nonetheless. “Why? Why not ask me? Who cares if I was subjected to the dark side”. He grabbed your face in both his hands, his eyes boring into your own. “You saw it! You were too good, too pure in the light. I couldn’t do that to you”. Then his lips were on yours, his kisses desperate and needy. You fisted your hands in his hair, emotion filling you. _He always cared about me._

_“A day didn’t go by that I didn’t think of you”_ you were unsure if he said this aloud or in your head, but either way he heard your thoughts, your mind was open to him. He moved his lips to your cheek then down towards your neck, kissing and gently sucking at the sensitive spot just under your jaw. “You make me weak” he murmured against your skin “You’re my weakness”.

Heat and desire was pooling in your stomach, you needed him. You began to take off his armour when his hand grabbed at yours, stopping it. You looked at him, pouting. “Not here” he breathed. “We could get caught.” You released your grip on him, sighing as you pulled back. He looked displeased at the newly formed space between you. “I have a meeting with Hux soon anyways, I should get going”. You frowned watching him get up and grab his helmet, through the force you could feel his annoyance at Hux and at this meeting. He slipped it on, the modulator distorting his voice “Il come by your quarters tonight, wait up for me”. _Obviously,_ you thought. He chuckled beneath the mask, happy he could openly hear your thoughts. And he swept from the room.

.

.

.

You spent the rest of the day physically training, pushing your body to the limits trying to release some of the pent-up energy building inside of you. Later that evening you returned to your quarters, taking a hot shower scrubbing off your sweat.

You sat on your bed in your pyjamas brushing your hair out deep in thought. It had been almost a year of you being on this base, but it seemed shorter than that. You didn’t hate it here, but aside from Kylo Ren there was nothing special about this place. What you hated was what the first order stood for, what they were doing to the galaxy. You wondered if your friends-the resistance searched for you following you capture. Did they even care about you anymore? Maybe they thought you dead…

You shook yourself out of those thoughts, it didn't matter anymore seeing as you might be here a while longer.

You were laying on your bed almost drifting off when the door slid open. Immediately you sensed anger and rage. You opened your eyes to see Kylo storming in, shoulders heaving. He tore off his mask and threw it on your couch, his face flushed with fury, his raven hair disheveled. You hopped out of bed and walked warily over to him, not wanting to be a victim to his outburst. “Kylo, what’s wrong?” You tried to enter his mind but you felt him block you.

He began to pace in front of you “Hux just informed me about our upcoming little mission to Onderon-” you looked confused. He was mad about this? “-that you didn’t tell me about.” Your brows furrowed. “Hux is manipulative don’t you see? You can’t just trust him blindly, and then not tell me anything!” his voice rising into a yell.

“I honestly forgot to mention it, Hux told me about it a while back. Why are you so angry I don’t understand”? 

“Of course you don’t understand!” He snapped.  He felt your sudden fear, and you must have looked taken aback because he lowered his voice and stepped closer “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you. But no, you don’t understand.” You walked over to him not feeling afraid anymore, grabbing is gloved-hand, lacing your fingers through his. “Then help me understand? Hux said it was just a small diplomatic mission, no danger”

He sighed and pulled you over to your couch. “Onderon is a dangerous planet, there is constant strife between their citizens, and with the first order” he paused, taking off his gloves and stroking your cheek with the outside of his hand “I don’t want you there. It’s not safe”. You looked into his deep brown eyes, feeling the emotional current pass between the two of you. A bubble of annoyance rose in your chest. As touching as Kylo’s worry for you is, you have to go on a mission at some point. You have been stuck here for almost a year and haven’t done anything.

“I’m going to have to go on a mission at some point you know. I can’t be stuck here forever” you moved in closer to him “you can’t always protect me” He sighed and reached to tuck a strand of loose hair behind your ear “I know”.

A sudden question came to your mind “Or do you not think I’m capable? Do you not think I can handle going on missions?” Now he was the one to look taken-aback. “Do you not trust my abilities?” Suddenly you didn’t want to let this go, you wanted this mission. He forcefully grabbed your head turning to towards him, his hands placed on either side of your face. His eyes gentle but glistening with tears “You know that’s not true. You are more than capable to do anything” his voice low and shaky.

“Then why can’t I come? Let me help you.”

He shook his head slightly, his bangs falling in his eyes “I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt, if something happened” He then pulled you into a tight hug, your face pressed against his chest. His face was in your hair as he mumbled “I couldn’t live with myself” his voice thick with emotion. He held you there for a while as you mulled over what he was saying. Your heart swelled at his apparent feelings towards you, his protectiveness. You eased yourself out of his tight embrace and looked up at him. You traced your finger along his facial scar again, reminding yourself about the prices of war. “Please, let me come” you whispered. “I will be fine, I can handle myself. I have been on this base too long. It’s time”. You leaned in and kissed him, soft but firm. You could feel his reluctance, him giving into you now meant giving into the mission.

You pulled back, your lips hovering above his slightly “please” you whispered again, running your hands slowly down his abdomen. He groaned in defeat and brought his lips crashing down onto yours, his kisses hungry and fervent, his full lips soft, molding perfectly with yours. You parted your lips slightly allowing him entrance, deepening the kiss. His teeth grazed your bottom lip tugging at it slightly, and that feeling desire began to pool in your stomach again. You let out a small squeal as Kylo suddenly grabbed you and hoisted you around his waist, your legs wrapping around his middle.

He walked you over to the bed, tossing you down like you weighed nothing. He crawled over top of you, kissing your down your neck, lighting running the tip of his tongue over your collar bone. You shuddered beneath him.

Wanting more contact, you slid your hands all over him, trying to remove his clothing. He helped you shed his heavy robes until he was in his simple back shirt and pants. You kissed gently down his scar until you reached his neck, now lightly running your nose across his skin back up to his lips. Your hands meanwhile were grasping at anything and everything. You pulled his shirt off and let your hands wander his defined abs, his strong arms.

One of his large hands was holding your hip down tightly, the other gliding up your body. He nibbled at your earlobe and kissed your neck, sucking at your skin sure to leave a mark. He slowly and gently slid your shirt upwards, you arched your back helping him pull it off. He stared at you lying beneath him. _You’re so beautiful._ You were too delirious to know if he said it out loud or in your head. He cupped one of your breasts in his hand while his mouth found the other. You fisted your hands in his thick hair enjoying the feeling coursing through you.

His mouth left your breast as he began placing tender kisses agonizingly slow down your belly, finally reaching the hem of your pants. He paused there as if waiting for permission. You nodded and helped him pull them off along with your panties. You felt self-conscious and vulnerable like this, but he came back up and placed a firm kiss to you lips stroking your cheek with his thumb. You arced your hips into him, signalling what you wanted. He kissed back down your body until he was at your entrance. You tossed your head back and moaned as he went down on you, your hands in his hair. He could feel the heat building inside of you, going until you were moaning and trembling beneath him. He came back up burying his face in your neck, your hair matted to your neck with sweat.

You grabbed onto his shoulders pushing, flipping you guys over so you were straddling him. You could feel his hardened length under his pants, waiting to be released. Slowly ran your hand over it, Kylo emitting a low growl. “Don’t tease” he panted. And you obeyed, pulling off his pants, admiring his size which was bigger than you anticipated. You slowly eased your mouth around his member and you heard him curse quietly as you ran your tongue around and down his length. He moaned as you kept at a steady pace, but then he quickly and forcefully grabbed you, throwing you onto your back. He moved a piece of hair out of your face as he positioned himself above you. He leaned down and gave you a tender kiss, seeing your sudden anxious expression “Il be gentle”. He kissed your neck as he eased himself into you, slowly at first, allowing you to get accustomed to his size. It was painful at first but you didn’t want to stop. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he began to move inside of you, progressively picking up the pace. You bucked your hips into his desperate for more, matching his pace.

You moaned his name as you neared your climax, your nails dragging along his back. Your vision blurred as the heat in your stomach un-coiled, now finding your release. He was close too, his movements becoming more sporadic. You yelped as you felt a sudden burst of pain- he bit down hard on your shoulder as he came, spilling himself inside of you.

He was still for a moment before he pulled out of you and flopped down beside you, both breathing hard, his hand moving to lie flat on your stomach. You felt a trickle of warmth on your shoulder realizing his bite drew blood, but you were too delirious to care. Your eyelids began to feel heavy, drowsy with pleasure. He rolled over and wrapped his arms around you, placing a soft kiss to your forehead “Fine. You can come on the mission”. You smiled and let out a small giggle, then snuggled yourself in his chest letting sleep take hold of you.

.

.

.

Kylo watched you sleep, admiring your peaceful face. He still couldn’t fathom how he got _you_ , he didn’t deserve you. He lightly ran his fingers over your arm “I’m falling for you _”_ he whispered, not wanting to wake you. He couldn’t deny these feelings anymore, he had to admit it. _I’m falling in love with you._


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short, filler chapter. BUT NSFW

You awoke the next morning, stretching and extending your arms out and around you. Your fingers met the cool bed beside you, indicating that Kylo had gone a while ago. You smiled to yourself thinking about the events of last night, a slight soreness running throughout your body. A note was lying on the pillow next to you; _Gone off-base to train today, will return later tonight._ You sighed and got up, making your way to the refresher, more questions coming to your mind. _Train_ there was that word again. What was he training for? With who? You didn’t want to pry in his business but since you seemed to be getting closer to him maybe he would open up. You knew there were still many things about Ben-turned-Kylo that you didn’t know, but some things you didn’t particularly want or need to know. The only thing you were certain of at this point in time were your feelings towards him.

You started at your reflection in the bathroom mirror; your hair dishevelled, and with purplish hickeys dotting your neck. Oh how very different these marks were then the ones Kylo Ren had left on your neck before…

.

.

.

You spent the morning training with Phasma and her troops, some of which would be accompanying you and Kylo to Onderon. The mission departed tomorrow morning and your anxiety was building. You didn’t want to screw this mission up, you didn’t want to fail Kylo. You pushed yourself to the limits, expecting nothing short of perfect. More than a few troopers lay panting on the side of the room, beaten and tired, surrendering to your power.

The afternoon was spent wandering the base. Something was different, something was happening. The base buzzed with activity and purpose, and General Hux was somehow more insufferable than usual. You didn’t want to ask anyone about what was going on, you didn’t really need to know, but you definitely overheard the word “superweapon” being used frequently and with excitement. You inwardly prayed that the resistance was back on their feet and ready to combat whatever this weapon was.

In the evening, you spent most of the night in meditation, trying to calm your mind and calm the apprehension about the mission. You steadied your breath and felt the force flow through you, feeling the light course through your body. As much as you felt the light force, an unease grew in your stomach, a guilt. How could you be a ‘light-side force user’ if you were with the first order? How could you have abandoned the resistance for so long while the first order terrorized the galaxy? As much as you hated to admit it, you were only there for one reason… and you hoped he was enough.

 

You felt his presence on the ship the second he landed and within minutes he was force-sliding your door open. He unlatched his mask and tossed it on your couch before walking up to you grabbing your face. _I missed you_ you told him through the force, smiling up at him, so genuinely happy to see him all your prior worries were put on hold.

He leaned down and placed his lips on yours pulling you closer to him “I'm craving you” he moved his lips down to your neck- the heat building in your stomach- before you playfully pushed him away “you can’t leave those marks again… at least not that high up. Everyone can see them!” he pulled you back, resuming his previous ways “So?” he murmured against your skin “then everyone will know your mine”. 

_Mine_. The word replayed in your head. _I am his_. He pulled back “Yes” he answered hearing your thoughts, “You always have been”. Your heart quickened, passion rising in you. You needed him now.

You slowly bent your knees, lowering yourself onto the ground in front of him. A small smirk coming to his lips “What do you think you’re doing?” You slowly eased down his pants, admiring his now exposed length. “Showing you just how much I missed you” you said seductively as you took him in your mouth.

He let out a loud sigh as you began to move your hands and mouth over his member, as you enjoyed making him wither under your touch. He grabbed your hair as his breathing quickened, then suddenly he tugged your head back “not yet”.

You stood and shoved him on to the bed crawling over top of him, your legs straddling his hips. You tore off the rest of his clothing and admired his sculpted chest and abdomen. You bent and placed kisses all over his body, all over his numerous scars and bruises.

His large hands slid up your sides pulling your shirt up and off on the way. You couldn’t wait any longer, quickly standing to remove your own pants before resuming your place on top of him. You lowered yourself on to him, letting out a breathy moan, the feeling of him inside you, stretching you so amazing. _You’re so big_ you thought at him through the force.

He laughed and gripped onto your hips tightly, starting to buck his hips into yours. You leaned over gently biting his earlobe “so eager” you said teasingly “stay still”.  He obeyed, so you began to move yourself up and down his length, slowly at first. He grunted your name, his hands digging so hard into your hips there would be bruises by morning. He couldn’t help himself as he raised his hips into you, trying to get more contact. You stopped, giving him a disapproving look “I told you to be still”.  Truthfully you wanted to keep going faster, harder, but something about seeing him squirm beneath you was also satisfying.

Hearing these thoughts, he forcefully rolled you over, pining your hands against above your head his fingers intertwining with yours. He began to pump into you hard and fast. “Kylo” you moaned, your head rolling to the side, vision blurring. Still slamming into you relentlessly, he suddenly grabbed your face turning it back up to him “Say it” he whispered forcefully. “say-what” you managed to squeak out between pants, you were getting close. “That your mine”. You brain delirious took a moment to comprehend what he was saying. _I’m yours_ you thought through the force, pleasure rippling inside of you. “I’m all yours”. That was all he needed to hear to send him over the edge. He grunted loudly as he came inside of you, after collapsing on the bed beside you, sweating and breathless.

You leaned over and placed a chaste kiss to his lips before reluctantly rolling out of bed to go to the refresher. You wiped away the sticky mess running down your legs as you heard Kylo in your head; _Maybe I should go off on missions more often if this is the warm reception I get._ You laughed as you made your way back to the bed. Sometimes you still couldn’t believe this was real. You crawled under the covers snuggling into his chest, enjoying his warmth. “Speaking about missions…are you ready for tomorrow?” You felt him tense “Yes” he said simply. You stayed silent, prompting to continue. “You are ready too. But it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like this”. You smiled, finding his hand and holding it tightly in your own. “I know. But it will be fine, don’t worry”.

“Of course I’m going worry!” he protested “that’s what you do when your inlo- when you care about someone”. He hoped you didn’t notice his slip-up. He wanted to tell you his true feelings, but he was fearful. Feelings are a weakness, and he was afraid to admit them aloud, to both you and himself.

You didn’t seem to notice as you placed another lingering kiss to him, becoming drowsier by each passing second. “We should sleep. We have an early rise tomorrow” but you were already drifting off. You pushed one last conscious through the force _I am yours, and you are mine…_


	17. Chapter 17

A slight warm and pleasant sensation at your neck, and a light tickling on your nose woke you from your sleep. You fluttered your eyes open seeing Kylo leaning down placing soft kisses down your neck. _Not a bad way to wake up_. He chuckled at your thought and stood, already dressed and armoured.

“It’s time to get ready. The ship leaves in an hour”

You nodded and hopped out of bed making your way to the refresher, getting ready. You dressed, for the first time, in First Order armour. All black of course, pants and top hugging your body snuggly. You braided your hair in your signature fashion while Kylo entered the room and stopped, staring at your reflection. “Well, how do I look?” He walked up behind you, snaking his arms around your body, his chin resting on your shoulder. “You’re so beautiful…I don’t know how I got so lucky”.

Your face flushed, his complement and intense gaze reducing you to a deep shade of pink.

You could feel his nervous energy permeating the air. You turned to face him, resting your hands on his shoulders “everything is going to be fine Kylo, you just need to relax”. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss to your forehead, holding you close. _Relax._

_._

_._

_._

An hour or so later you were seated on Kylo’s command shuttle watching the stars blur by at light speed. Kylo was discussing with a group of troopers, stern and serious- a Kylo you haven’t seen in a while. With you he was so gentle and kind, you could never imagine him doing all the horrible things he was ‘famous’ for.

Your hand slid to your holster feeling your blaster, hoping you wouldn’t have to use it. The recent memory of Hux sending you off swam through your mind, his smirk _“Have fun”_ something about his eerie tone made you feel uneasy. You looked back to at the tall black-clad, helmet wearing figure _It’s okay, calm down, Kylo won’t let anything happen to you. Breathe._

Kylo suddenly turned around, making his way over to you. “You’re projecting.” You looked down at your hands “Sorry..I’m just nervous”. You couldn’t see his face, but you thought you could feel him give you a small smile. “I know you are. But you have to keep your mental defenses intact and strong even when nervous. I’m not the only one who can and will try to enter your mind”. Your brows furrowed in confusion, who else would want in your mind?

You were about to ask him to explain further when a storm trooper advanced “Commander, we are approaching. We will be landing shortly”. _Here we go_.

The shuttle landed with a thud and the long ramp descended. You looked around at your new surroundings; a green jungle-like planet with a humid temperate climate. Kylo stepped down beside you “We have landed near the capital, Iziz” He was also looking around “We will go to the walled city and speak with their King, we must try to get him to follow under the First Order’s reign”.

Obviously the First Order wants to have control over everything in the galaxy, but was a planet like this really worth having? Seeing your mind fill with questions he explained “This planet is always in turmoil and conflict. My grandfather fought here once before he became Darth Vader, he helped the Onderon rebels fight against the separatist droid army”. He motioned the group forward as you all began to walk towards the high walls “Onderon is always insistent on being an independent planet, but we need that to change…willingly or not”.

As you reached the iron gates imbedded in the high concrete walls, a group of people dressed in olive green attire approached, faces covered with cloth. There were so many of them your group would be outnumbered at least 2 to 1. One stepped forward towards Kylo “What is your purpose here?” his deep voice was thwarted by an accent you had never heard before.

Kylo’s hand instinctively lowered towards his saber “We are here to see the King of course. There is much to be discussed”. The man’s eyes flickered towards you, glancing at the emblem on your armour. Suddenly he spit at Kylo’s boots “First Order scum!” his group behind him began to whisper to each other in a strange language “can’t leave well enough alone can you?” Kylo moved closer towards you in a protective stance.

Kylo’s distorted voice remained calm “We are expected by the King, he will be most displeased if he is kept waiting”. The man began to laugh “Oh fuck the king! He ain’t our king anyways, we don’t follow orders from nobody”. Your heart began to race, Hux’s smirking face playing in your mind. _He knew this would happen._

“So ya best be on your way before things get ugly”. You could feel the anger rising in Kylo, but he surprised you “Alright, we will leave. But don’t expect this to be the last you see of the First Order. We will have Onderon”. You knew Kylo was backing down due to the fact you were so outnumbered so early on, they would have to come back with more troops and more weaponry.

The man laughed “You may try, but Onderon will not surrender to the dirt that is the First Order. So go. NOW!” you turned and began to walk away slowly with the rest of the troopers when you felt a hard grip pull you back by your braid. You let out a yelp of pain as the man brought his dirty disgusting face inches from yours “except you pretty. You can stay”.

Before you even knew what was happening you saw a flash of red slice through the air, the grip on your head falling away as the man fell to the ground, dead. His sourrounding followers began to yell in rage as they began to draw their weapons. Kylo grabbed your arm and shoved you to two storm troopers “GO!”  

You shook your head “No! I’m staying with you”

Kylo then looked at the troopers “LEAVE! Take her back to the shuttle. Go back to base if you have to” then they dragged you from the scene, you yelling and fighting back. You heard blaster beams going off and other violent sounds, saw smoke rise in the air. You fought back silent angry tears as they dragged you back to the shuttle. You couldn’t just leave Kylo or the troops, they were out-numbered and needed help.

“Please!” you begged the two storm troopers “let me go, I want to fight!” They remained silent as they led you onboard. You closed your eyes and focused your breathing, if they weren’t going to let you go, maybe the force would. You focused your energy to the trooper on your right, letting your anger and fear flow through you. You imagined your hand on his neck, squeezing.

Suddenly he let out a choke, his hands releasing your arm and flying up to his own neck, now coughing and spluttering. His release on you was just enough for you to rip out of the others grasp. You stared at them both, feeling the force in you like never before. “Stay” you said calmly. Their posture slightly straightened and as you walked towards the ramp they made no move to stop you, in a trance.

You needed to get to Kylo. You crept through the jungle life trying to remain quiet and inconspicuous, your blaster ready in your hand. You reached the edge of the plants seeing the battle area infront of you. Even for being outnumbered, Kylo and the troops were handling themselves pretty well. You raised your blaster and fired, hitting many of the men alleviating the ratio of them to the first order.

You watched Kylo engage in combat, his movements almost graceful, his lightsaber humming and cracking in his hand. You continued to fire until you saw 2 men approach Kylo from behind. He was busy fighting off someone already and hadn’t noticed them come up. “Kylo turn around!!” you whispered to yourself. Why doesn’t he sense them?

Panic filled you and you ran from your spot, totally exposed in the battle field now. “KYLO BEHIND YOU!” you screamed. He turned around just in time as one was about to strike him, while the other turned to face you. You quickly raised your blaster and shot but he blocked it somehow, you looked down seeing he was holding a z6 riot control baton, something he must have stolen from one of your dead comrades. He came at your fast trying to strike you with the powerful electric shock it delivers. You narrowly missed his many attempts, trying to fight him back with your blaster and combat moves.

He raised it in the air ready to strike you down with it again when you flung your arm out. His arm froze in mid-air and his momentary confusion was enough for you to raise your blaster and shoot him right in the head. You panted as you watched his body fall into a crumple at your feet.

You were about to turn to help Kylo when you heard a yell, then felt a searing pain in your abdomen. One of the men was standing beside you grinning, his hand holding onto a small dagger that he drove straight through your side.

Kylo fought his way over and slashed the man down with his saber. You brought your hands to your stomach feeling the warm stickiness of blood flowing. You swayed on the spot and Kylo grabbed you, slowly lowering you to the ground. He tore off his helmet, his eyes wide with shock and fear “Why did you do that?” he was applying pressure to your wound “Why did you come back? You’re so stupid I told you to go!” You could hear the panic in his voice more than anger.

Your vision was beginning to blur, you heard him yell “I NEED HELP! Someone please! We need to get her back to base immediately” He gently raised you, carrying you in his strong arms. “Kylo…” you whispered, barely audible. _Im sorry_ you thought through the force, too weak to speak.

“No. Stay with me! You’re going to be fine” his voice strained with emotion on the verge of tears “Just hold on a little longer.” A numbness was spreading throughout your body, your mind becoming foggy. You could feel your clothes dripping with blood.

Big black spots formed in your vision, you were fading. You could take in a blurred outline of the man carrying you, his raven hair, his freckles, his deep brown eyes which had tears spilling out of them at the moment.

Your mind tried to formulate one last thought.

 _Kylo I…_ then you slipped into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh...


	18. Chapter 18

Kylo looked down at you as you lay in the Medbay room back on Starkiller base, your pale face serene and expressionless. You had lost a lot of blood and suffered traumatic internal injuries, but the lead medic assured you would make a full recovery in time.  

Kylo pushed back a strand of hair from your face, anger filling him once again. _How could I have let this happen?_ _I shouldn’t have allowed you to come._

He had been by your side the whole time since Onderon, except for one visit to Hux- who knew how dangerous this mission was, he set you up. Kylo had a feeling Hux wouldn’t be coming near you any time soon..

He watched the steady rise-and-fall of your chest willing himself to calm down. _You are okay, everything is going to be okay._ He couldn’t imagine a world without you anymore; the only good thing in his life, the only light keeping him from spiralling to the dark. He would never let anything happen to you ever again.

.

.

.

Your senses slowly came back, bringing awareness to your surroundings. You stirred slightly, feeling pain in your side. You fluttered your eyes open everything blurry at first but Kylo’s form came into focus, his big hand squeezing your own.

Concern spread over his features “how do you feel?”

“My side hurts a bit" you croaked "but I think the bacta tank really helped. I feel pretty good considering” Kylo smiled, and leaned over to kiss your forehead.

You noticed the dark purple rings under his puffy eyes “are _you_ okay?”  He let out a small chuckle “even when you’re the one that’s been stabbed and nearly killed, you're concerned about me”.

You were about to counter when the medic walked in “ahh you’re awake! Good.” He checked your vitals and your wound, asking you many questions as he went along. “Well I think you are good to go, just take it easy for about a week and you will be able to slowly start training again. If you need anything, you know where to find me!”

You turned towards Kylo giving him a sheepish smile “See, I’m fine”. He gave a slight eye-roll before leaning down to kiss your forehead. “I'll arrange for someone to go and move all your stuff”.

Your brows furrowed in confusion “move? To where?”

He put his helmet on, preparing to leave your side for the first time in days “To my quarters of course” his modulated voice making you slightly cringe “You are in no condition to be alone” then he was gone. 

You smiled to yourself. You got the feeling this new arrangement was more for his benefit than yours…and you didn't mind it one bit. 

.

.

.

That night Kylo held you tighter than he ever had before, his grip around your (injured) middle so tight it caused you minor pain. You fidgeted a bit to get more comfortable when he rolled onto his side, proving himself up to look down at you. His eyes were filled with something you had never seen before.

“What is it” You stroked your hand along his cheek “what’s wrong?” His eyes closed momentarily at your touch, and you could feel his surge of emotions through the force; fear, anger, desperation, panic…and lo- “I thought it was going to lose you”

He opened his eyes which were brimming with tears “I don’t know what I would have done if something happened to you”.

“But nothing did happen to me! I’m fine and I’m right here”. You tried to lighten the mood “and besides, if something did happen you would be fine and carry on. Your Kylo Ren!”.

At this Kylo sat up, a look of annoyance and hurt on his face “What?” he shook his head, his perfect hair shaking side to side. “You don’t get it do you?” His eyes had that teary look again “I’m not Ben or Kylo without you anymore… I’m nothing without you”.

You also sat up, now facing him. You could feel his emotions, but you wanted him to say it aloud for once and for all. You sat up too and leaned forward bringing your lips to his ear “tell me” you whispered, sending a chill down his spine. He remained quiet so you placed a soft kiss just under his earlobe. "Tell me" you whispered again.

At this he gently pushed you back down onto the bed catching your lips in desperate, hungry kisses, his lands lacing with yours above your head.

“I’m in love with you.”

He moved his lips down to your neck “I love you”.

You giggled, your heart swelling “well that’s good news, because I love you too”

Kylo rolled on the bed and flipped you so you were straddling him on top. “Really?” He smirked, as you began kissing down his sculpted chest down his torso “how much?” you reached the hem of his pants slowly inching them down.

“Il show you.”

.

.

.

You lay in each other’s arms, drowsy with pleasure after the ‘yay you didn’t die’ sex. Kylo pulled you tighter into his chest, still in disbelief you could love someone like him. _How did I get so lucky?_

Kylo let your light fill him, and for the first time in a long time he didn’t fight it. In this moment he didn’t care about the light or the dark, his obligations to the First Order or even Snoke. The only thing that truly mattered was you.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just kind of a short filler chapter, but NSFW anyways ;)  
> Hope this story is enjoyable so far!! Please leave comments with some suggestions on how to improve my writing!

A few days of bedrest and you were growing increasingly restless. You had to sit and watch Kylo leave to do his business while you just stared up at the ceiling for hours on end. Kylo wouldn’t let you do anything, in worry you might injure yourself somehow.

One afternoon during a phase of complete boredom, you felt the familiar hum of the kyber crystal hanging around your neck. You had gotten so used to it you almost forgot it was there.

Suddenly an idea came to you. _It was time to finally construct your own lightsaber_. You remembered small details about the process from Luke’s jedi training, but you hoped the force would guide you.

.

.

.

Over the next few days you snuck out of Kylo’s quarters looking for supplies; a pommel cap and a focusing ring. You were lucky enough to find some old parts from Kylo’s sabers lying around, and you had the kyber crystal. Even though you hadn’t picked it out personally, Kylo picked the right one, it called to you.

You meditated constantly, gradually building the force relationship between you and your forming weapon. In a matter of a few weeks your saber was completed.

You ran your hand along the hilt and activated it. A bring purple beam humming in front of you. You smiled as you swung it around the room. _A Jedi._

You couldn’t believe you were here, you had sworn before to give up the force, give up the Jedi ways..but life works in mysterious ways and here you were; a fully formed Jedi, living with the one person you thought lost forever.

 

That evening Kylo returned in a seemingly bad mood. “The resistance is growing stronger” he sighed as he pulled off his helmet and gloves. “They know our coordinates. They could attack at any moment”.  You didn’t think this was _new_ news, you thought everyone was aware of this.

“I don’t think the order should be worried. The resistance has never been a real threat”. You were just saying anything to make him stop worrying.

“Anyways… I have something to show you”. He sat on the edge of the bed waiting for you as you went into the closet.

You held hilt in your hand, the cool metal sending a shiver up your arm. You walked out and ignited it. Kylo’s eyes widened and you could see the reflection of purple lights flickering in his iris’. The hum filling the silence between the two of you.

“When did you-how did you do this?” You turned off your weapon and walked over to him, standing in between his legs. You rested your hands in his shoulders and leaned in to steal a quick kiss. “I can’t stay in this room any longer. I’m fully healed, and I think you trained me all you can. One injury can’t stop me forever”.

He sighed wrapping his arms around your middle, his head buried in your chest. You set the saber down on the bed and laced your fingers through his hair “You can’t protect me forever you know”.

“I know.. but I can try” He pulled you down on top of him, kissing everywhere he could reach. You laughed as he tickled you “does this mean were enemies now?” He paused and looked at you, his brows furrowed on confusion. “I just mean that I’m a Jedi, you’re a Sith. Aren’t we supposed to hate each other? Mortal enemies?”

He leaned down and kissed you hard, filled with passion and love. You were taken aback “I could never hate you”.

You smiled _likewise_.

He resumed his kisses, moving down to the soft spot below your jaw. You hand moved down his sides trying to take off his robes, that familiar need beginning to pool in your stomach. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he yanked off you top throwing it to the side. He kissed down your stomach, pausing momentarily at the pink scar on your abdomen, running his thumb over it.

He reached the top of your pants, your hips lifting as he pulled them down. He kissed your inner thighs, sending a jolt up your body. You spread your legs wider in anticipation as he moved closer to your slit. Your head lolled back in pleasure as his tongue found you, sending your head spinning.

He worked you to the brink of release when he pulled back. “Noo” you gasped “don’t stop”. But before you could say anymore he had released his own member and pulled you onto a sitting position straddling his legs. You lowered yourself onto him, his own sigh escaping him.

You wrapped your arms around him as he buried his face in your neck, as you began to move up and down his length. “You-feel-so-good” he managed to get out though heavy breaths. You ran your nails hard down his back, sure to leave a mark.

You were nearing your release, you vision starting to blur “Kylo, I love you” you panted. You quickened your pace about to burst. You let out a small scream as you found your climax, but he still moved inside of you. He suddenly grabbed your hair forcefully pulling you back to look at him “Say it again”

“I love you”

That was all he needed to hear. He spilled himself inside of you, panting against your shoulder.

You lifted yourself off of him and collapsed back on to the bed, deliriously happy. He laid down next to you resting his palm on your stomach.

_My little Jedi._

_._

_._

_._

While you were sleeping Kylo walked into the refresher, unease taking hold of him. He splashed cold water over his face trying to clear his mind. How would Snoke react knowing he trained you into a jedi? A jedi that would not be turned to the dark side? A pang of guilt ran through Kylo, he shouldn't have kept you here for his own selfish reasons, you were in danger now and it was all his fault. 

He made his way back into the room taking in the sight of you. He wondered if you really meant what you said when you said the resistance wasn't a threat. Was that a lie? The image of that resistance pilot swam into his mind, the thought of you being reunited with him if the resistance prevailed. Anger and jealously suddenly came over Kylo, his hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. 

He shook his head.  _No._ He was being crazy. 

He crawled back into bed wrapping his arms around you tightly. He didn't know how much more of this he would get...


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning Kylo left early to attend a meeting with Snoke. Kylo hadn’t told you much about him, he was usually pretty secretive about his business with him. All you knew was he was Kylo’s master, and the reason for the demise of Ben Solo.

Every time Kylo went to see Snoke you grew more and more anxious.

You could feel the good in Kylo, the light touching him more than ever before, you knew in your heart that he could be turned. But the power of the dark side was seductive, and Snoke’s grip on Ren was strong. After every meeting with Snoke, Kylo seemed to emanate darkness. And the more meetings he went to, the longer it took to purge the darkness building inside of him.

This particular day you had a growing unease in your stomach. You tried to reach your mind out to Kylo’s, figure out any small detail of what was transpiring, but he had shut you out and closed off his mind.

* * *

 

Kylo bent on one knee started up at the giant hologram of Snoke, the large dark room cold and silent. Snoke wore a look of disgust on his face.

“You try to hide your mind from me, but it is all too easy to see what’s going on”.  

Kylo continued to stare up at the menacing figure “You have become weak my young apprentice, your judgement clouded with emotions. You can’t help but fall victim to the callings of the light”

Kylo was glad the mask was on to hide his shaky voice. “With the help of your training, I will not fall to the light.”

Snoke let out a bone-chilling laugh “Do you take me for a fool? I know about the girl. The power she holds over you”. Kylo suddenly stood his hands at fists beside him “I assure you Leader Snoke, she means nothing to me”. 

“Nothing? Is that so?” Snoke’s ghostly figure leaned in closer “I felt your loss of concentration the moment you found her. Yes, I have known for this long you silly child. At first I thought it was just a passing phase, a way of release. But I was wrong, and it has gone on for far too long. You are too weak to resist her, to resist the light. And with every passing day she is growing stronger. It was a mistake to trust your abilities when you clearly still have so much to learn.”

Kylo stood there, unable to retort as Snoke ripped through his mind, divulging the memories he tried so hard to hide over the past months. “You think it was an accident she was injured on Onderon? No, Hux planned the whole thing out under my will, but she clung to life like a little parasite, and now she is stronger than ever thanks to your doing”.  

The pain in Kylo’s mind was unbearable, and he could do nothing to stop it. The mask on Kylo’s head suddenly ripped off, flying across the room shattering into pieces “take that ridiculous thing off”.

Snoke stared down at Kylo, disgust and anger etched into his words “You love her”.

Silent frustrated tears pooled in Kylo’s eyes. Fear rose inside his chest, fear for you. Before Kylo could say anything Snoke spoke “No… this just won’t do. Bring the girl to me now. It’s time to complete your training”.

 

“Yes, Master”.

Then Snoke disappeared.

 

Kylo’s heart pounded in his chest as he ran back to his room, adrenaline coursing through him. He needed to get you off base, and fast. He reached the doors and ran in. You looked up about to greet him when he swept you into his arms clutching you against his chest. _You’re still here, you’re okay._ “Kylo..? What’s wrong” he didn’t answer, but let go of you and started to rummage through the drawers and closet, gathering your belongings. “Kylo! What are you doing?!” He stopped and came over to you grabbing your face in his hands, his thumbs rubbing your cheeks.

“It’s Snoke” he said shakily “he knows.”

Your face paled “knows what?” your voice barely audible.

“He knows about us, my feelings for you, all of it”. He leaned in and gave a quick kiss “you’re not safe here, you need to leave”.

Kylo resumed frantically packing your things. You stayed rooted on the spot, realization hitting you. “No! no. This isn’t happening”. He grabbed your arm dragging you towards the door. “I have an escape pod ready, get as far away from us as you can. The outer rim. Anywhere but here”. You yanked your arm out of his grasp “NO! I’m not leaving you!” your voice thick with emotion.

Tears pooled in your eyes threatening to spill over. Kylo pulled you into his chest once again “You have to, you’re not safe here anymore. You don’t understand, Snoke will kill you. Without any hesitation”.  You held onto him, realizing this might be the last time you might ever see him. Your sobs muffles in his chest. Hearing your thoughts, he pulled away to look at you. “Il find you, I promise. This isn’t goodbye forever.” He leaned down and kissed you will all he could muster. _I love you, I love you, I love you._

Right before Kylo could open his door to exit the room, it slid open on its own. Standing outside was Hux and a group of storm troopers.

Hux wearing that familiar sneer on his face. “oh, going so soon?" His sneer widening into a grin at your expression. 

"Pity. Right when Leader Snoke has just arrived on base.”


	21. Chapter 21

Hux had you removed from Kylos side, troopers dragging you along the corridors as you struggled against their grasp. Kylo had left a while ago, going alone to meet with Snoke.

When it was your turn, Hux escorted you the whole way, wearing his usual sneer mixed with new delight. “It’s such a pity”. You kept silent as you were being walked to Snoke. “Such a pretty face” he raised his cold hand to your cheek, you shook your head violently to fend him off “don’t touch me!”

“Ah so much fire in you.” He shook his head “What a waste.”

_Waste._ You gulped, sweat beads along your forehead. _This is it, I’m dead._

The doors swung open as you reached them. The troopers shoved you inside the dark room, Hux smirking “So nice knowing you”. Then the doors closed.

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you turned to face the front of the room, the air temperature almost freezing.

Your eyes widened as you took in the two men in front of you. One was Kylo, kneeling before Snoke- tall and slim, disfigured to inhumanly proportions. His cold grey eyes met with yours. “Come forward child” his voice low and menacing.

Kylo didn’t turn to look at you.

You came to stand in front of Snoke, his eyes taking you in “So you are the one who is infiltrating the mind of my apprentice”.

You didn’t have time to answer before you felt an agonizing pain coursing first through your skull, then radiating through your whole body. You heard your own scream pierce the air.

Snoke was taking everything from you, draining your memories, thoughts, feelings. You could feel yourself slipping, your vision blurring.

After what seemed like an eternity, Snoke finally ripped out of your mind. Your legs collapsed from under you, causing you to fall into a crumpled heap on the cold ground. Kylo still didn’t turn to look at you.

Snoke contemplated you, humming in thought. “Powerful. The force is strong with you”.

You slowly stood, your legs still shaking. “But your heart… too pure. There would be no way to turn you to the dark side”.

“I would never join you!” you shouted indignantly. You knew where this was going, you had to act fast. You grabbed at your lightsaber, igniting it and running towards Snoke ready to kill him then and there.

As if he knew what you were going to do, Snoke casually flicked his wrist, sending you flying into the opposing rock wall, your lightsabre falling out of your hand. You landed in a heap, feeling the warm stickiness of blood at the back of your head. This time Kylo did turn to you.

Something about him was different. His face wore a blank expression, his eyes gleaming with a reddish-orange hue.

Woozy, you stood. You weren’t giving up.

You raised your hand up at the wall behind Snoke, dislodging a huge piece of rock sending it flying in his direction.

Again, without any observable effort Snoke moved his arm re-directing the rock towards you. You jumped to avoid it, but half of it still hit you, ripping the skin on your right side. You screamed in pain as Snoke laughed.

“Silly girl, you think you can beat me?”

Lying on the ground you looked at Kylo, silently pleading for help.

Snoke noticed this, laughing once again “Oh he won’t help you. Don’t you see child? His loyalties lie to me, and only me. He was just using you, nothing more than a pawn is his little game”.

You stood once more, still weak. But you couldn’t give up. Not on Kylo. You reached your hand out and your sabre came flying into it.

Snoke sighed and made his way to sit on his throne. “I’ve grown tired of this” He looked down at Kylo “end this”. 

Your stomach dropped as you realized snake's plan. To have Kylo kill you and end his internal conflict once and for all.

Kylo stood and turned to face you, igniting his own lightsaber. You could say with 100 % certainty just yesterday that Kylo would never hurt you, but know you were unsure. He was suddenly different, _possessed?_

“Kylo, please” you whispered. He didn’t answer, but raised his lightsabre preparing to attack. He swung it down hard, and you raised yours to meet it. A clash of colour and sparks, the loud humming filling the silence.

You engaged with him perfectly, fighting like you had so many times before. But this situation was entirely different.

You swung your sabre to his left, lightly grazing his shoulder. He grunted in pain and came at you harder. He twirled around you bringing his weapon down towards your spine, you turned just in time to fend off his attack. You jabbed your sabre at his abdomen and he narrowly avoided.

He tried to use the force to freeze you in place like he had done times before, but you fought it, your mental concentration strong. You were breathing heavily and sweating, this battle going on far longer than you anticipated.

Kylo cornered you into a wall, your sabre the only thing between his and your neck. You could feel the heat so close to your skin. His eyes bore into your own. _Kylo please! I love you_ , _don’t do this_ you pushed through the force.

He momentarily slacked. You used this opportunity to shove him away from you, pushing him back so hard he stumbled on his feet.

You approached him this time, raising your sabre about to strike down, when his hand shot up and grabbed at your wrist. You yelped as his grip tightened, causing an audible crack to ripple through the air.

You dropped your sabre and clutched at your broken wrist, tears automatically streaming down your face. Kylo reached down and picked up your weapon, now with 2 sabres and you with none.

Snoke leaned forward in his throne smiling “good. Good! Well done my apprentice”.

You felt a crushing force on your shoulders, pushing you down onto your knees. You looked up at Kylo standing above you, the man you loved, a monster. Snoke’s grip on him was stronger than you ever anticipated, he could never escape the dark side.

“Finish her”.

Kylo moved closer to you, his lightsabre ignited and cracking next to your head, ready to strike. You took in a deep breath and closed your eyes, resigning to your fate. You didn’t want to live anyways if this is what Kylo was.

Kylo raised his sabre.

_I’m sorry_. You heard his voice in your mind. Quiet, but there. You held onto his words, the last thing you would hear in this life.

Right as Kylo was about to strike, the whole room-no, the whole base violently shook. He paused and looked around. You also opened your eyes looking around.

Another but harder shake happened again, pieces of the ceiling falling into the room. It was Snoke to speak “it’s the resistance”.

 

A moment of silence passed, then a huge explosion blasted apart the room, sending you flying into the air. Dust, rubble and fire surrounding you.

You coughed and looked up through the dust, you couldn’t see Snoke anywhere, but saw Kylo lying unconscious a few feet away from you.

This was your chance to escape.

You got up and sprinted towards the exit. Right as you were about to exit the chambers something stopped you. You turned to look at Kylo’s form lying there defenseless. Even though he had _just_ tried to kill you, you still loved him. You couldn’t leave him here.

Cursing to yourself you ran back towards him grasping at his limp arms, dragginng his heavy body inch by inch to escape.

 

“Need a hand?”

 

Your stomach dropped. That familiar voice.

Whipping around you saw him standing there nonchalantly. Your old friend.

 

Poe.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter :( what will happen to Kylo and reader...?

Before you could even process what you were seeing or what was happening, Poe had run over to you, grabbing one of Kylo’s arms.

He looked different, older. How long had it been since you last saw each other? “What are you doing here?” you panted.

The two of you reached the doorway, trying to stay hidden, the halls in chaos with first order members trying to figure out what was happening.

“Here to rescue you of course!” he flashed you that classic Poe smile. You raised your eyebrows at him. “And to destroy the first order, obviously”. 

Another large explosion somewhere shook the ground. You looked down at Kylo as he began to stir, slowly regaining consciousness. Poe’s eyes followed yours down. “How are you still alive? And better yet, why are you saving Kylo Ren’s life? He is kind of our enemy you know.”

You sighed “It’s a long story. Maybe we should get out of here first? Then I’ll fill you in.”

“You can fill me in too”. Another familiar voice.

You tore your eyes from Kylo to see Finn and BB-8 approaching you. Finn grabbed you in a tight hug, firing a million questions at you while BB-8 beeped rapidly at your feet. You bent down and patted the droid, so happy to see your old friends you almost forget the current predicament you were in.

Poe finally spoke up “Ahem. Yeah, maybe we should continue the pleasantries later, we gotta get off the base. Quickly”.

You nodded and turned back to where Kylo _was_ laying- he suddenly disappeared. You looked at Poe and Finn in panic “where did he go?” You reached out through your force bond trying to feel his presence, but something was different. The connection seemed weak, broken.

Poe tugged at your arm “forget him, there’s no time! We need to leave, the base is gonna blow any minute!”

Tears began to cloud your vision, your heart rate increasing. You ripped your arm from Poe’s grasp “No! You don’t understand. I’m not leaving without him”.

Poe and Finn exchanged a confused look before Finn let out a frustrated gruff “what is it with Ren? Why is he suddenly so important to you?”

Your eyes darted between Poe and Finn, struggling for words to explain yourself. But before you could even speak, a look of disgust and understanding registered on Poe’s face.

“Wait a minute..” Poe said in a low voice, taking a step closer to you. “Something happened between you guys” Your face flushed with embarrassment and shame. “You care about him”.

“About Ren??” Finn suddenly interjected. “He is a killer! A Monster! How can you care for that?”

The tears building up in your eyes suddenly spilled over, this was not what you expected right now. Little did they know your feelings for Kylo Ren were way past ‘caring’. But some small part of you knew they were right, how did it get to this?

“I don’t know okay. It just happened. I can’t explain it right now”.

“Does this mean… are you with the dark side now?” Finn asked quietly.

“No. No of course not” you said indignantly. Another violent shake caused you all you stumble on the spot. Time was running out. “Just let me find him. Il be quick, don’t leave without me!”

Poe looked hesitant before finally succumbing “Fine, alright go. Our ship is in the far-left edge of the hangar. But if we die because of you and Ren, im gonna kill you!” You didn’t even answer as you turned and sped off.

You fought your way through the chaotic halls, trying to find Kylo in the force. Why was your connection not working? Fire-induced smoke and yells filled the air. You ran back towards his quarters, but he was not there. You checked other various spots on base he could be, but no avail.

“Kylo!” you screamed, out loud and through the force. No answer.

Sobs began to wrack through your body as you ran, the base was going to implode any minute, you needed to get to the ship. You realized you may never see Kylo again. You sprinted towards the hangar, alarms and panic ringing, first order ships evacuating the base. As you reached the large cavernous space of the hangar you spotted Poe and Finn to the left, preparing to leave.

You were about to turn and run to them, but something caught your eye to the right. A tall black-clad figure. You whipped around to look. Kylo.

_Time seemed to slow as you looked to your left – seeing Poe and Finn, the resistance, the light. And looking to your right- Kylo Ren, the first order, the dark side._

_Stuck at a cross roads._

_But this time your choice wasn’t so clear._

You turned away from Poe and Finn, and ran towards Kylo, just as he was running towards you.

Before you could say anything Kylo grabbed your face and kissed you with all the force he could muster. The taste of salt was on your lips. You pulled back and realized he was crying too. His eyes were back to normal, he seemed out of whatever trance Snoke had him in.

“Where did you go? Why did you leave us?”

Kylo didn’t answer but looked over your shoulder to Poe and Finn’s ship.

Knowing what he was about to say you grabbed on to his hands. “Come with us” you searched his face “there is nothing more for you here. Snoke is dead, we can start over!” Kylo’s expression stayed hard, making you panic more “Please” you almost begged. “Come with us” you grasped on to the front of his robes “I’m not leaving without you”.

Kylo once again took your face in his hands, his thumbs softly rubbing your tear-stained cheeks “It’s not safe with me anymore. Snoke isn’t dead, I can still feel his presence lingering in the shadows.”

He leaned down and placed a gentle lingering kiss on your lips, almost as if he was trying to ingrain the feeling in his memory. “You need to go.”

You sobbed as you tried to counter argue but all you could muster was a half crying half screaming “NO! Please..”

“I love you!” you yelled “Please don’t leave me”

Kylo looked pained “I love you too. You know that. And that’s why you have to go, Snoke will kill you the first chance he gets”. He stole a quick glance over your shoulder again before leaning down to give you one last kiss, so much passion and hurt conveyed in one single action.

Suddenly a strong pair of hands were around your waist lifting you up and dragging you backwards. It was Poe, dragging you away from Kylo.

Kylo just stood there, not protesting. You were kicking and screaming but too weak and exhausted to break free from Poe’s grip.  

 

“This isn’t goodbye” Kylo said. “Il find you”.

 

Kylo watched as Poe forced you into the ship, a slight pang of jealousy coursing through him, followed by emptiness and anger. He could have come with you, but he needed to finish this on his own. To end Snoke once and for all. It was better this way, safer for you.

.

.

.

The ship began its departure, raising high above the hangar ground. You looked through the window trying to find Kylo, but he had already gone.

The ship jumped to lightspeed just seconds before Starkiller base exploded, the resistance had won this fight. But you didn’t feel like celebrating.

Being the first to speak you finally asked “So where are we going?”

Poe and Finn exchanged looks, almost deciding who should speal. Finn was the one to do so; “Well _we_ are going back to the new resistance base…” He took a pause “ _You_ are going to Luke Skywalker”.

Your stomach dropped and your eyes widened “what? I thought he was dead!”

“No, he is very much alive. That map Leia had us looking for so long ago, was a map leading to him. We found him!” You sat silently, a million questions racing through your mind.

“He is going to train you. Defeat the first order once and for all”.

_Train me?_ Your hand automatically slid to your lightsaber. Your brain registering what was about to come.

 

_A Jedi._

 

Yes Kylo had trained you to fight and yield a lightsaber, but Luke would actually make you a true Jedi, more powerful than ever before. Maybe you would be a able to kill Snoke, and set Kylo free.

You stared into the swirling tendrils of hyperspace surrounding the ship, Kylos last words echoing in your mind

“This isn’t goodbye”

“Il find you”.

You were coming full circle. Back to the beginning. Training with Luke Skywalker to be a Jedi, while a certain raven-haired boy consumed your thoughts. Except everything was different now, _you_ were different now.

And things were just getting started.

 

This is about to get interesting…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAYTHE4THBEWITHYOU!!!!! 
> 
> Woo well I think this is the end of this fic...but may not be the end of the story ;)
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read my first ever fanfic, I hope it was somewhat enjoyable!!


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